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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25173916">Life Doesn't Make Narrative Sense</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarmonizingSunsets/pseuds/HarmonizingSunsets'>HarmonizingSunsets</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Never Have I Ever (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben is part of the gang, Canon up until the finale scene, Character Development, Couples Costumes, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Game Night, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, She takes the phone call instead of kissing Ben, Tiny bit of Angst, canon divergence from there, emotional and mental growth, loosely inspired by Crazy Ex Girlfriend, pop culture references</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:27:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,069</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25173916</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarmonizingSunsets/pseuds/HarmonizingSunsets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I wish we would’ve formed our truce sooner,” Ben admits. “If we had, we could’ve spent more years being friends.” </p><p>Devi loops her arm through his. “Well, we still have plenty of time.” </p><p>She feels Ben’s head drift downwards, resting on top of hers. “Yeah, we still do.”</p><p>...</p><p>Devi picks up her phone instead of kissing Ben in Malibu. This is a story about addressing grief, giving up denial, and accepting happiness again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Gross &amp; Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Life Doesn't Make Narrative Sense</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashlightinacave/gifts">flashlightinacave</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wow, this ended up being way longer than anticipated. Buckle up for a long one-shot. </p><p>This is loosely inspired by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. You can definitely read this without seeing the show, I just took a bit of the premise and ran from there. But if you have seen it, you’ll catch a few references. :)</p><p>P.S. While flashlightinacave has never seen CXGF, I’m gifting this to her. I hope that's not weird lol. She encouraged me to write another fic and is always there to fangirl with me about these two nerds.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>🎵 For so many years, I've used the darkness to feel. But now there are things in my life that are actually real. 🎵</p><hr/><p>Let’s get one thing straight. Devi’s not crazy.</p><p>Non-crazy people move all the time. Change is an inevitable part of life. Her decision to move back home to Sherman Oaks isn’t crazy.</p><p>I mean, if she’s honest, she did come up with the idea when she ran into Paxton a week ago.</p><p>He’d been on a family vacation around Asia, and their last stop was where she lived in India. Paxton told her that he liked traveling, but that he missed home because he felt truly happy there.</p><p>Hearing Paxton talks about true happiness and seeing his still perfectly shaped cheekbones didn’t have anything to do with her decision. They only dated for about two months after he called her at the beach. She’s <em>completely</em> over him. </p><p>So, Devi didn’t convince her mom to move back to California after being in India the entire summer and the month of September because of Paxton. That would be ridiculous! She didn’t decide to move back home when Paxton smiled and told her they should hang out next time she visits California. Nope, no way. Devi and her mom just happened to come back home after four months.</p><p>Again, Devi’s not crazy. That’s a sexist term anyway. The situation is a lot more nuanced than that…right?</p><hr/><p>Devi’s glad they hadn’t sent most of their stuff to India during those four months. It meant that she has less to unpack when they get back home at the beginning of October.</p><p>After emptying the last moving box, Devi books it to the pizza place that Paxton tagged in a photo a half an hour ago. She knows how much that boy eats, so he has to still be there. </p><p>After twenty minutes, the waitress starts circling Devi, wanting to bus her table. But Devi remains sitting there with her cold slice of pizza and empty glass of root beer. She keeps shooting looks around, hoping to see Paxton's broad shoulders somewhere in the restaurant.</p><p>The waitress suddenly pops into her sight, causing her to jump a little in her chair.</p><p>“Is there something wrong with the pizza?” </p><p>“Oh no,” Devi says, waving her off. “I’m just waiting to eat it. I don’t want to look greasy before I meet with someone.”</p><p>The waitress’s previous annoyance crumbles, giving her a knowing smile. “A blind date, huh?”</p><p>Devi gives a clenched grin. “Uh, something like that.”</p><p>“He late?” the waitress asks, her eyes drifting to the empty chair on the other side of the table.</p><p>“He shouldn’t be,” Devi grumbles, probably looking strange as she continues to crane her head around the room.</p><p>The waitress picks up her empty glass, giving her a wink. “I’ll just go get you a refill then.”</p><p>Devi sighs when the waitress leaves, finally away from her judging eyes. She grabs her purse and digs through it, pushing aside dried up lipstick and a half-eaten bag of skittles leftover from when she snuck candy into the movie theatre a few weeks ago.</p><p>Once Devi finds her phone, she gets up Paxton’s Facebook page that she’s probably refreshed twenty times. She sees that he’s now checked into a sports restaurant and is watching a soccer game with his friends, completely decked out in face paint and wearing a jersey. </p><p>She grumbles, pushing her phone into her purse aggressively.</p><p>Devi then decides to give in to her hunger. She picks up her pizza and practically devours it. She’s almost at the crust when she feels fingers tapping her shoulder.</p><p>“Still assaulting a perfectly good pizza by putting onion and chili powder on it?”</p><p>Her body freezes, dropping her pizza and turning towards that oh-so-familiar voice. The voice she claimed to despise, but then started to find endearing. Despite everything, she’s missed his voice. </p><p>Devi turns, face to face with Ben Gross. Her arch-nemesis turned friend.</p><p>They had texted each other snarky comments or witty remarks every so often after she moved. But the way Devi left things caused this extra distance between them, which had nothing to do with being an ocean apart.  </p><p>“Ben?” Devi asks dumbly.</p><p>Ben still looks the same, maybe slightly tanner since she’d last seen him. He’s got a bright blue button-down shirt, a tie with birds on them that matches his stupidly beautiful eyes, and he’s got that same smirk that made her want to smack him or stop his words with her lips and—.</p><p>Stop. Thinking. About. Ben’s. Lips.</p><p>She could do that. After all, she managed to do just that once before. She had stopped herself from kissing Ben in the car by answering her phone instead. That had totally been the right decision. She didn't regret not kissing him at all. Nope. Not one bit. </p><p>Fine, maybe a little bit. But a 'bit' is as far as she would go--or at least, admit to. </p><p>“David, it’s nice to see you.”</p><p>Devi quirks her head. “Is it?”</p><p>“Well, more like surprising.”</p><p>Before Devi can say anything, he walks over to the other side of the table and sits down without any invitation. It’s such a Ben move, that something aches in her from seeing it, and she’s not sure why.</p><p>“You have to say all that cordial stuff that means nothing when you run into someone you know. It’s part of being human,” Ben explains.</p><p>“I wouldn’t say you are someone I know. I’d say you are more of a plague on my existence.”</p><p>“I would think those huge orange earrings your wearing is a plague against fashion.”</p><p>“Hey, Ariana Grande wore these on the cover of Vogue,” she defends. "Not that you’d know anything about that, of course.”</p><p>“I actually do, there was a bunch of Vogue magazines in the law firm I had my internship at over the summer.”</p><p>“Interning at a law firm?” Devi scoffs because, of course, he did. “That means you’re still in love with your dad then, huh?”</p><p>“Hey, he’s amazing!”</p><p>She leans back in her chair, picking up her pizza crust. “So, did you get coffee for lawyers who help B-list celebrities get out of DUIs? Or did you work with corporate lawyers that crush small businesses into the ground, even with your weirdly small feet?”</p><p>Ben’s face doesn’t flinch, but she can see him shifting his feet underneath the table.</p><p>“Neither actually. It was a human rights law firm,” he clarifies, making Devi’s mouth falls open, which makes him laugh. “Why do you look so surprised?”</p><p>“No reason,” Devi says, clearing her throat. “It’s just that you didn’t seem to be that into stopping prejudices when you deemed my friend group the Model UN.”</p><p>Ben tempts a small smile. “I think you forget the actual meaning of it.”</p><p>“I’m not forgetting,” Devi says, crossing her arms. “I’m just refusing to acknowledge an acronym that is factually incorrect.”</p><p>“That’s right, I heard about you dating some rich surgeon’s son in India.”</p><p>Devi had not been dating him. Her mother forced her into meeting him, and his entire family plus a few others were all there when she took the photo. It was a miracle someone hadn't photobombed the picture.  </p><p>Not that she’s going to let Ben know any of this, of course.</p><p>“Keeping tabs on me, Gross?” she challenges.</p><p>“In your dreams, David.”</p><p>“You’ve never entered my dreams once,” she counters with a scoff.</p><p>That is a big lie. Ben's entered her dreams once before. Ok, maybe multiple times—even one last month. But dreams don’t mean anything! So, there’s no way she’s giving Ben that satisfaction that he and his blue eyes that look as deep as the ocean randomly leaks into her subconscious every so often. It means nothing.</p><p>She dreams about flying unicorns to a One Direction concert too, which doesn’t mean anything either. Well, except that Devi’s still holding out hope for the band to get back together. But what would she be hoping for with Ben?</p><p>“What are you doing here, anyway? According to your Instagram, your life seemed pretty picturesque,” Ben jokes with a goofy smile. “Get it?”</p><p>“I got it,” Devi says dryly.</p><p>As he continues to watch her, she fidgets a little in her seat. Explaining this to her mother was hard enough. Telling Ben why she wanted to come back would be even more difficult. He called her out on everything.</p><p>“Not that it’s any of your information, but I moved back here,” Devi answers.</p><p>His face softens ever so slightly. “Really?”</p><p>Devi nods.</p><p>“What about that internship you were doing?” </p><p>“It ended, but I have another one lined up this next summer—they reached out to me, I couldn’t refuse,” Devi lies, pretending to be casual as she bites into her pizza crust.</p><p>“So, you’re here to stay?”</p><p>Devi nods again, and he smiles, that smile that shows his dimples and makes it impossible not to smile back.</p><p>After a few seconds, Devi clears her throat, breaking the moment. “So, you still have no social life?”</p><p>“I have a social life,” Ben says. When Devi raises her eyebrow, he exhales in defeat. “I mean—I’m not planning on doing anything tonight, but I did get invited to this party. It’s at this girls’ house who’s a year below us. Paxton’s hosting it, but I don’t think—.”</p><p>Devi drops her pizza on her plate. “Paxton?!”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Paxton.”</p><p>She winces at her outburst, trying to regain her composure under his suspicious gaze.</p><p>“Oh, cool,” she says after a while, shrugging.</p><p>Something clicks together on Ben’s face, but it has a bitter edge to it. “Oh, you’re still obsessed with him.”</p><p>Devi feels her face redden in anger. “I am not, and I never was. We dated.”</p><p>“For what, two months and a half a week?”</p><p>Devi leans back in her chair, scanning him. “It’s weird that you remember the specific length of our relationship.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, you were super annoying that whole time,” Ben accuses, ruffling his hair nervously. “That’s the only reason the period of your relationship is seared into my brain.”</p><p>She’s not too convinced by that answer but doesn’t call him out because an idea suddenly pops into her head.</p><p>"So, you need a plus one?”</p><p>“I’m not sure it’s a plus one thing—wait, you want to be my plus one?”</p><p>“Do you have a hearing problem? Listening to <em>The Lonely Island</em> too loud?” she chuckles. “I told you that doing that would come back to bite you.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes are wide as he leans over the table towards her. “Do you have a sanity problem if you’re suggesting being my plus one?”</p><p>“I’m not crazy!” </p><p>He looks startled, putting his hands up apologetically.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t think you were interested in...”</p><p>Devi’s anger melts away at his apology. Although Devi had sessions with Dr. Ryan over Skype when she moved, her tendency to let anger get the best of her is still something they’re working on in therapy.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Devi says as she takes a few deep breaths. “So…in?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You were saying that you didn’t think I was interested in something,” Devi reminds him.</p><p>Ben’s looking at her like she’s a present that he’s afraid is a prank. As if when he opens the box, a snake will pop out and hit him. But after a few moments, a wave of something washes over him, his composure relaxing.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Yes,” he confirms with a small smile. “You can be my plus one.”</p><p>Devi feels like she’s missing something, but gives him a grateful smile. “Oh, good.”</p><p>Ben stands up. “So, can I pick you up at eight tonight?”</p><p>“Sure. I’m at my old house. It’s near—.”</p><p>“I remember where it is,” Ben interrupts. “I went to dinner at your house once, remember?”</p><p>“Yeah, but everyone knows you’re driving and navigation skills aren’t the best.”</p><p>“I have an excellent memory. A lot of important information in here,” Ben says, putting a finger to his forehead. When she raises an eyebrow, he looks bashful. “I mean, important information about a lot of things. Not just about you, of course.”</p><p>“Right,” Devi nods, still eyeing him suspiciously. </p><p>He pushes in his chair, walking over to her seat and pausing. “Well, see you tonight.”</p><p>He puts a hand to her shoulder before quickly withdrawing it as if it just got burned.</p><p>Devi watches Ben leave towards the exit of the restaurant. She feels her stomach flutter, wondering what the hell just happened.</p><p>After a few seconds pass, the waitress finally appears with that refill. The waitress is smiling brightly, looking towards the door that Ben just left through.</p><p>“That was your date?” The waitress giddily asks as she sets down her drink on the table. “Lucky you. He looked cute.”</p><p>Devi still feels dazed, nodding at her numbly as the waitress leaves to assist a customer at the table next to her.</p><hr/><p>Devi is finishing getting ready when she hears a knock on her door. She fixes the clasp on her necklace and walks over towards it. When she opens the door, she sees her mother's critical face.</p><p>“Dinner’s ready,” her mother says, peeking over her shoulder as if she expects Devi to be harboring a fugitive or something in her room. </p><p>“Thanks, mom, I’ll be down in a minute.”</p><p>Her mon remains standing in front of Devi’s door. “So, how was your day?”</p><p>“It was great.”</p><p>While Devi’s motives are a bit blurry, coming back home was a great idea. She could spend time with Fabiola and Eleanor again and didn’t have to start over at a new school for her junior year. </p><p>“Good,” her mother says. “I think staying in India surrounded by family and new opportunities like we originally planned would have been better. But if this is what makes you happy, I’m happy.”</p><p>“I appreciate that,” Devi tells her mother with a smile.</p><p>While things would always be a bit tense between Devi and her mother due to them being so different, they’d come a long way since that day on the beach. They worked to understand the other’s point of view, would come to compromises when they disagreed. They also made sure to show the other their love for each other more than before.</p><p>Her mother smiles thinly and heads down the stairs. Devi’s not too far behind her, smelling the delicious meal from the kitchen.</p><p>As she sits down at the table, her fork pauses on her plate because she hears the doorbell rings.</p><p>Her mother gets up, a coy smile on her face. “Oh, I wonder who that could be.”</p><p>“I have a feeling, you know,” Devi says, already standing up from the table.</p><p>She’s not surprised when Kamala and her husband Prashant walk through the door. They got married during her last semester of sophomore year. Kamala announced that she was pregnant not to long after her honeymoon. Most of Devi’s conversations with Kamala over the phone consisted of schoolwork, what show she was currently binging, and asking Devi what color to paint the baby's room.</p><p>“Devi, it’s so nice to see you,” Kamala says, pulling her into a tight hug.</p><p>“It’s nice to see you too,” Devi says breathlessly.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” Prashant says to Devi when Kamala pulls away. “Her pregnancy is in the crying at puppies and Sour Patch Kids commercials stage.”</p><p>“Hey, those Sour Patch Kids go from sour to sweet—it’s so cute,” Kamala sniffles.</p><p>“I always hated those commercials. They cut off a girl’s hair and are forgiven because they hugged her leg?” Devi scoffs. “That commercial traumatized me more than it made me want to buy candy. I was afraid to go to sleep in pigtails for weeks after watching it.”</p><p>Everyone becomes quiet after she finishes her rant, and her mother rolls her eyes. But Kamala, definitely the sweet side of candy, beams at her.</p><p>“Looks like time away hasn’t changed you.” Kamala pats her arm affectionately. “Good to know you didn’t turn into a robot from the internship at the hospital you did over the summer.”</p><p>“Don’t ever let Fabiola hear you say that,” Devi warns. “She thinks that robots have better emotional aptitudes than humans.”</p><p>“How is Fabiola?” her mother asks as she ushers everyone to the dinner table.</p><p>“Good,” Devi says, sitting down and filling up her plate again. “I just talked to her yesterday, she and Eve did a lot of volunteering over the summer.”</p><p>“That’s nice,” her mother says.</p><p>“What about Eleanor?” Prashant asks, to prove that he knows enough about Devi’s life to take part in the conversation.</p><p>“She spent most of this last summer writing a play she’ll directing for the drama club.”</p><p>Kamala leans over the table, whispering, “What about that handsome doctor’s son you dated in India?”</p><p>Devi begins to frown, adverting her gaze to her plate. “Things didn’t work out.”</p><p>By 'didn’t work out,' Devi means that after her mother pushed the two of them together at that family and friends gathering, they went to the movies once in a group.</p><p>However, he dropped interest in her when he caught eyes with the wealthy and model-looking dentist’s daughter who accompanied them. Devi has no resentment towards either of them, though, because she wasn’t that into him in the first place. </p><p>That seemed to be this pattern with her love life. She chases after a guy who didn’t pay much interest in her. She gets worried about being too clingy and what they think when they date, and then it’s over before Devi lets herself be vulnerable with them.</p><p>Devi craved intimacy but always ran in the other direction once she got a chance at it. Devi recalls Dr. Ryan saying something similar to her at a therapy session a few weeks after she ran out of Ben’s car in Malibu.</p><p>Dr. Ryan said that people sometimes shy away from what could make them happy because it could also bring pain. This causes people to self-sabotage, making superficial justifications for escaping something that has risks.</p><p>But Devi hadn’t understood this lesson then and still doesn’t now. How could dating Paxton, the guy she always wanted to be with, have been self-sabotage?</p><p>“I’m surprised you came back,” Prashant says, interrupting her thoughts. “I heard they wanted to lengthen your internship at the hospital.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I have someone in Sherman Oaks reach out for me to do an internship next summer,” Devi fibs. “So, it’s not like I didn’t have other options.”</p><p>“Even though the internship in India was at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, the best-rated hospital in the country,” her mother says, giving Devi a pointed look.</p><p>“Oh, then why did you decide to come back?” Prashant asks.</p><p>Before Devi can come up with a way to change the subject, the doorbell rings again. Devi doesn’t care if ruthless girl scouts or anyone with a pamphlet is on the other side, she jumps out of her seat as an excuse to escape this conversation.</p><p>She swings open the door and sees Ben standing there. He’s wearing the same clothes, except he untucked his shirt and took off his tie.</p><p>“Wow, you look great,” Ben says, looking at her in awe in her simple black dress.</p><p>“I never was un-fuckable Gross,” she replies confidently, but the awed look he’s pointing at her makes her blush a little. “Ready to admit that you were wrong?”</p><p>He breaks out of his daze by putting on a disinterested glare. “Like I’d ever.”</p><p>“Devi, who’s at the door?”</p><p>Even after four months away, her mom is still able to make Ben jump. Devi laughs and pulls him by the arm inside the house.</p><p>“It’s Ben Gross,” she says, tugging him into the kitchen while he mutters incoherent objections. “We’re going to a party that Paxton’s throwing tonight.”</p><p>Her mother breaks into a big smile, the kind she usually reserved for when Devi cleaned up her room without being prompted or when her mother guessed an answer perfectly on <em>The Price Is Right</em>.</p><p>“Ben, it’s nice to see you,” her mother says, getting out of her chair and giving Ben a brief hug, which he responds to after his terror fades. “Devi kept talking about you over the summer. She told me how you went to Greece. Then, she went on and on about her new classmates in India that didn’t hold a candle to rivaling her as you did.”</p><p>Ben breaks into a full-blown smile, making Devi want to throttle him.</p><p>“That’s interesting, she didn’t mention any of that when we had lunch."</p><p>“You two had lunch together?” Kamala asks.</p><p>“No, we ran into each other at lunch,” Devi corrects, now questioning why she thought dragging Ben in her would help anything. She turns to Ben, hardening her stare. “I’ll admit that I may have gone on your Instagram once or twice. I also mentioned to my mom how dorky it was that you posted pictures of you reading the books assigned for AP literature during the summer. Neither of those things are sins.”</p><p>“No, but calling me out for looking at your Instagram when you have been doing the same thing doesn’t speak well of you. It’s the pot calling the kettle black.”</p><p>“You’re just as much a pot as I am,” she says, but the retort comes out more affectionate sounding than she intended. </p><p>Devi looks over her shoulder, seeing Prashant watching them with amusement, Kamala observing them with a confused look, and her mother biting back a smile.</p><p>Devi grabs Ben’s arm again. “Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>“Have fun,” Devi’s mother shouts after them, which is very unlike her mother to say while she’s going out the door with a guy unchaperoned.</p><p>They walked toward the street where his car is parked. He jumps in front of her, opening the door before she can touch it. When he gets in, and she buckles her seatbelt, she feels a sense of déjà vu.</p><p>“Wow, this is the same car,” Devi observes. “I’m surprised. Your parents have enough money to buy you one for every season.”</p><p>“I don’t need a new car. This gets me where I need to go,” Ben turns on the engine. As he pulls out into the road, he turns to her with a timid smile faster than he used to put still slow. “Remember the last time we were both in this car?”</p><p>It only takes Devi two seconds to realize what he’s referring to.</p><p>“Of course,” she says.</p><p>The memory of Ben driving her to Malibu, and waiting for her is vivid in her mind. Although looking back at memories is like looking into a fog, some things remained eternally in clear sight. Ben inexplicably tends to be one of those things.</p><p>“But then Paxton called you, and you stopped leaning.”</p><p>She jerked her head towards him. “Leaning?”</p><p>He starts to blink a lot, his hands tightening around the steering wheel.</p><p>“I mean, we stopped talking—you leaned towards me to say something, I think,” he says, stumbling for words. “You know, in the car that day.”</p><p>“I uh—I’m not sure.” Devi gulps, her throat starting to feel thick. She decides to greet denial like an old friend. She gives him a weary laugh and begins to lie through her teeth. “I guess my memory isn’t as good as yours, Gross.”</p><p>If he’s sad about her not remembering it, he doesn’t show it. Ben keeps his eyes trained on the road with his lips puckered in concentration.</p><p>“It looks like one thing about you has changed these past few months,” he says while taking a left turn.</p><p>Devi feels a chill from the air conditioning in his car, creating goosebumps on her arm. “What?”</p><p>As they stop at a stop sign, Ben slowly turns his head to her, revealing a smirk.</p><p>“That Devi would never admit I was better than her at something.”</p><p>She laughs, propping her arm against the passenger window and resting her head in her palm.</p><p>“Well, some things change,” Devi says.</p><p>He’s quiet for a few moments, the sound of vehicles passing by them and the hum of the car’s engine acting like white noise as they drive.</p><p>“And other things don’t,” Ben says quietly, his eyes flickering towards her.</p><p>Although it’s starting to get dark outside, the light from the city around them and the other cars illuminates his silhouette. She can see his toned arms and long eyelashes fluttering in front of his blue eyes that gleam in a way that no artist could replicate. She begins to feel heat rush to her hands in a wish to cup his cheeks, causing her to clench them in her lap.</p><p>“Yeah,” Devi agrees. “Other things don’t.”</p><hr/><p>The house is oddly modern looking. She wouldn’t have thought Paxton would throw a party for someone who lived in this kind of house. The entire place looks like it belonged in a section of Ikea. There’s a plastic candelabra hanging from the ceiling and those leather couches that you would slide right off if you tried to sit.</p><p>Devi and Ben were in the corner, next to a shelf filled with knick-knacks. Ben observes each item, making snarky remarks as he tries to figure out what each nonsensical looking object is.</p><p>Devi’s on the tips of her toes, trying to spot Paxton in the crowd. You’d think as the host of the party would at least be doing his diligence by greeting all of his guests. </p><p>“What are you looking for?” Ben asks beside her.</p><p>“Nothing,” Devi says quickly. “I’m just standing on my toes cause I like feeling tall.”</p><p>“You'd think that your heels would have that covered.”</p><p>“Your just jealous that I can compensate for my height, unlike you.”</p><p>Ben doesn’t take the bait, stepping closer and giving her that annoying knowing look of his.</p><p>“You looking for someone?”</p><p>“No.” Ben narrows his eyes, making her relent. “I mean, you said that people from school would be here. And I’ve been away for a while, so it would be nice to run into people I know.”</p><p>“You kept in touch with Fabiola and Eleanor in India, right?”</p><p>“Of course. We had this whole schedule for Skype, FaceTime, texts, and Netflix parties where we’d pretend we were in the same room. I came up with Eleanor’s new dog’s name while we were watching a play.” Devi gives him a challenging look. “The name is inspired by a literary character. Can you guess what it is?”</p><p>“Is it Beatrice?”                                                                    </p><p>Devi’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “How’d you know that?”</p><p>“She’s your favorite Shakespeare heroine,” Ben replies with a smile, leaning against the shelf behind him. “You quote, ‘I’d eat his heart in the marketplace’ when you talk about problematic male celebrities.”</p><p>“You weren’t lying, your memory is good.”</p><p>He shrugs. “I pay attention.”</p><p>The 'to you' part of the sentence wasn’t said, but she can feel it there. </p><p>Ben goes back to observing a weird circled shaped object made of metal behind the glass.</p><p>She suddenly feels that she needs to challenge Ben Gross. The feeling is addictive; one she usually can’t ever stop herself from chasing. She has months’ worth of Ben Gross battles to make up for. She better start now.</p><p>“What’s my favorite color?” Devi asks.</p><p>“Purple.”</p><p>“Do I like tea or coffee?”</p><p>“Neither. You like those sugary drinks that don’t have an ounce of coffee in them.”</p><p>“What was I wearing the first day we met?”</p><p>“A red and black striped sweater and jeans.”</p><p>She blinks in confusion. “Really?”</p><p>“No,” Ben admits with a laugh, the sound melodic and makes her want to hear it again as if it’s a song Devi can’t get out of her head. “I have no idea.”</p><p>She smiles. “I do.”</p><p>“You do?” Ben asks, squinting his eyes in disbelief. “But that was in the first grade.”</p><p>“I remember because it was the first day of class, and I was wearing my favorite shirt. It was bright purple with white polka dots, and you told me that it made me look like a clown. That was the first insult and the first thing you ever said to me.”</p><p>“That was a compliment,” he insists passionately. “I like clowns!”</p><p>“No one likes clowns.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you? They always carry balloons, shoes that look comfortable. Stephen King gives them a bad rep. Most of them are—.” Ben stops, looking at her like a bucket of cold water has just been thrown on him. “You’re looking for Paxton, aren’t you?”</p><p>Devi flushes. “No, I’m not.”</p><p>“Yes, you are. You got that intense look in your eye that you use when you’re taking a test, trying to insult me, or are trying to get Paxton to notice you,” Ben points out, his stare unrelenting. “Because it’s not pointed at me, I can only assume it’s because of the latter.”</p><p>Devi feels herself deflate. “Look, Ben. It’s good to see you, I mean it. It’s just that when we ran into each other in India, Paxton said the next time I was in California we should—.”</p><p>“Hold up,” he interrupts. “You ran into each other in India?”</p><p>Devi winces. “Yeah…did I not mention that?”</p><p>“No, you definitely didn’t,” Ben says. “When was this?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know. Like a few weeks ago.”</p><p>Ben doesn’t buy her act of indifference, scrutinizing her. “And now you’re suddenly back here?”</p><p>“What the coincidence, right?” Devi says, plastering on a fake smile.</p><p>Before Ben can reply, a person runs into her, making her waver on her feet. She snaps her head up, planning to tell the guy off, but her brain slams on its breaks when she sees that the bumper is Paxton.  </p><p>“Devi, hi!” he exclaims, looking surprised. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I was wondering the same thing,” Ben mutters from beside her.</p><p>Paxton suddenly realizes Ben, turning towards him and looking like he’s trying to place him for a few moments before he remembers. “Oh, it’s Ben, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben nods with a forced smile. “You invited me here, and we go to high school together.”</p><p>“I didn’t forget. How could I?” Paxton says, his calm exterior not wavering for a second. “You two kept me awake with your arguing and answering questions that are supposed to result in awkward pauses. I kind of missed it this past month when Devi was in India.”</p><p>“Sorry about that. Devi tends to get carried away,” he says, nudging her elbow with his.</p><p>Devi elbows him back. “More like you don’t know when to shut your mouth.”</p><p>“More like you don’t know the difference between effective discussion points and unnecessary commentary.”</p><p>“More like you don’t know how to state your answer without going on a winded rant.”</p><p>“I feel like I’m back in class with you guys,” Paxton says with a laugh, causing Ben and Devi to tear their eyes away from each other. “You guys are still the famous Ben and Devi, huh?”</p><p>“I don’t think are names belong in tandem with each other,” Devi says, hoping the heat she feels on her cheeks is just because it’s hot in here with so many people.</p><p>“Sure they do,” Paxton insists. “You guys were like the bickering couple on a crime show. The ones that fight but made a great team. Like Kirk and Spock.”</p><p>Ben looks personally affronted. “<em>Star Trek</em> isn’t a crime show.”</p><p>“If you think about it, it kind of is,” Paxton says. “They defeat crimes in space.”</p><p>“Um, no. It’s SIFI. I don’t think it counts as a—.”</p><p>“So, Devi, what brings you in town?” Paxton says, turning to Devi and cutting off Ben’s would-be-rant.</p><p>“I missed everyone, got offered a better internship, so I thought moving back here was the best decision.”</p><p>“That’s awesome. I told you that you should move back.”</p><p>“You were right,” Devi says, ducking her head.</p><p>Paxton looks at her empty hands. “Can I get you a drink?”</p><p>“Sure!” Devi says quickly, and then internally rolls her eyes at herself. “I mean—that would be cool.”</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“Uh, anything that’s not beer is fine.”</p><p>“You don’t like beer?”</p><p>“I never have,” Devi says, her smile flickering down an inch. “But it’s cool, whatever you can find.”</p><p>“Cool,” Paxton says, not noticing her change in mood. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>“Cool. I’ll be waiting,” Devi gives him finger guns awkwardly.</p><p>After a few beats of silence, Ben clears his throat from behind her.</p><p>“You guys seem cool since you said the word so many times,” he says dryly as he takes a step back. “I’m going to go.”</p><p>Devi frowns. “What, why?”</p><p>Ben looks towards where Paxton left and then back at her. There’s conflict in his expression, and she finds herself mirroring it. A part of Devi is telling her not to care that Ben’s leaving, and another part is telling her not to let him go. Like some piece of her finally got reconnected, and she didn’t want to lose it again. </p><p>“I have homework to do,” Ben lamely answers.</p><p>“Oh, come on, don’t be that guy who’s the first to leave a party,” she says, nudging his arm and trying to ease the tension. “It’s so lame, even for you.”</p><p>The jab works, making him laugh. “I’d say watching you flirt with Paxton was much lamer.”</p><p>“I was not flirting.”</p><p>“You’re right.” He reaches a hand up to her face, putting his finger near the corner of her lips. “Drooling is more like it.”</p><p>He starts to walk away again, and she momentarily brings her hand up to where he touched her as if he had shocked her.</p><p>“Wait, Ben,” she calls after him. Ben turns around, and Devi shoots him a small smile. “See you around?”</p><p>Ben’s gaze shifts, turning into something softer.</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Ben nods. He leans forward, pulling off a humorous attempt at a smolder that she assumed is an imitation of Paxton. “That sounds…cool.”</p><p>Devi playfully rolls her eyes, waving him goodbye. He shoots her mocking finger guns like she’d done with Paxton across the room, and she puts up a particular finger that makes him grin even more before turns and disappears.</p><p>There’s this sort of pull she feels, tugging her feet forward on her own accord. It’s something that comes with being around Ben. Like their two magnets held at a distance, but close enough that Devi can still feel magnetized by his presence.</p><p>As she steps towards where he left, Paxton is there again, handing her a drink that looks nauseatingly fruity.</p><p>“Here you go,” Paxton says, giving her the glass.</p><p>Devi shakes off whatever she feels with Ben and gives Paxton a look she hopes is grateful. </p><p>“Thanks," she says, watching him lean against the wall. “So, what have you been up to?”</p><p>“Oh, not much,” he says with a shrug. “I volunteered as an assistant coach for the middle school’s basketball team over the summer.”</p><p>“That’s awesome—.” Devi finds her mouth going dry, as someone in a basketball jersey comes up next to Paxton, linking her arms through his and pecking him quickly on his temple. Devi quirks her head that the beautiful but short brunette. “Uh, is this one of your students?”</p><p>“No,” Paxton says with a laugh. “This is my girlfriend, Macy.”</p><p>“Girlfriend?” Devi scans her mind with panic. She checked on his status’s often since running into him in India. She swears she would’ve remembered seeing an 'In a relationship' status on one of his social media accounts. “How did you two become you two?”</p><p>“It was so cliché,” Macy jumps in, holding Paxton’s arm tightly. “I stumbled into you him at a basketball game. It was a sign! Like the fates aligning.”</p><p>“She wasn’t even supposed to be there. She came during the guys’ game instead of the girls for her sister,” Paxton says with his iconic lopsided grin.</p><p>Something in his eyes makes his hard-exterior fracture as he looks at Macy, a way he never looked at Devi before. </p><p>“Isn’t that crazy?” Macy asks, bursting the bubble Devi was in even further.</p><p>“Yeah, that is crazy,” Devi says with a thin smile.</p><p>She sets the untouched drink down on a table, hoping Macy doesn’t mind water stands because she wants to get out of here as fast as possible, and she doesn’t have time to find a coaster. </p><p>“You know what? I promised my mom I’d be back by 11,” Devi says with fake disappointment.</p><p>“Oh, ok. I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” Macy says, and looks earnest about so Devi can’t even pretend not to like her.</p><p>Devi nods and turns around quickly, her face falling into a frown as she does. She makes a b-line for the door, but someone yanks on her arm. </p><p>“Hey, Devi!” Shira exclaims. </p><p>Out of all people she expected to greet her back warmly, Shira wasn’t one of them. Devi studies her, seeing her brown hair in a perfect up-do that belongs on Pinterest, with a casual tank top and short floral skirt.</p><p>Before she knows what’s happening, Shira is pulling her shoulders into a half hug and points her phone at them.</p><p>Once the flash goes off, Shira sees Devi’s wide eyes.</p><p>“Oh, I know, I look so different, right?” Shira says, clearly misinterpreting Devi’s surprised expression. “I made it as an influencer, which is why I have a new nose!”</p><p>“Well, it’s cute as a button,” Devi says, squinting her eyes but unable to see a difference. “But if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to go.”</p><p>She begins to pull away, but Shira walks with her.</p><p>“I saw you with Ben. I always thought he had a thing for you.”</p><p>“Oh, no. It’s not like that,” Devi assures, feeling her cheeks flush. “He just brought me here as his plus one.”</p><p>Shira crosses her arms. “There was no plus ones to this. So, it must’ve been a date.”</p><p>Devi freezes, Shira’s comment acting like a whip. Did Ben think that’s what this was, and that’s why he looked so disappointed when he saw her looking for Paxton?</p><p>“Do you think I’m the Kirk to his Spock too?” Devi asks, recalling Paxton’s statement.</p><p>“Um no. You guys seem more like that couple on that show Ben never shut up about. Jake and Amy, I think? They competed for most arrests or something but ended up getting married. I mean—I think,” Shira says, tossing her head back in forth. “I would usually spend that time catching up on people’s Snapchat stories. But I do remember them being cute.”</p><p>Devi feels like hitting her head against the wall, wondering how she could be so stupid. She felt terrible. While Devi used Ben to get in the door to this party, she wasn't trying to trick him into thinking that this was a date. She hopes he doesn’t believe that she pretended to want to go on a date with him and then discard him once Paxton showed up.</p><p>But he still had smiled at her and promised they’d see each other around. While those couldn’t be empty words, they didn’t feel like it.</p><p>“Oh, gotta go. The lighting is perfect over there,” Shira says, pointing to the other end of the room with twinkle lights lining the wall. “I’m trying to get a brand deal with Kohl’s.”</p><p>Devi watches her skip off, her stomach feeling nauseous. She wondered if Ben had easily forgiven her tonight because he was used to treatment like this from Shira when they had dated—off being picked up but then thrown aside when it’s convenient. The thought that he accepts such treatment makes her feel worse.</p><p>She steps out of the house, feeling a little better as the air cools her skin. She pulls out her phone, dialing his number without a thought of what she would say. All that she knew was she hated Ben thinking the worst. She needed to set things straight.</p><p>“Hello?” Ben answers groggily.</p><p>Devi can’t help but laugh. “Are you already asleep?”</p><p>“Well, not anymore,” Ben grunts with annoyance, only making her laugh more. “What’s up, David?”</p><p>She goes over the sidewalk, sitting down. “I just wanted to say thank you for tonight. I was nervous about seeing everyone, and it was nice to have a friend by my side.”</p><p>“A friend?”</p><p>“Yes, you’re my friend,” Devi says with an exasperated groan. “That’s why I asked to be your plus one. I just wanted you to know that. In case you thought I—that I used you to…when Paxton came over, you must’ve thought—.”</p><p>“Devi, it’s ok. I didn’t think you were using me,” Ben cuts in when she can’t seem to find her wording. She hears him taking a deep breath over the phone. It makes Devi picture Ben in his bed, wearing one of his dorky pinstriped pajama sets. The image makes her smile. “You’re one of the people in my life who I know would never do something like that intentionally. Some wires got crossed, that’s all.”</p><p>Devi lets out a sigh of relief. “So, we’re good?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben confirms. “Besides, cutting you out of my life now that your back would be too difficult. You’re a hard person to get rid of even though I hope for it every day.”</p><p>Devi snorts at his joke. “Bye, Gross.”</p><p>“Bye David,” he says, and then hangs up the phone.</p><p>Devi pulls the phone away from her ear, planning to call a Lyft. For a few seconds, she lingers on his contact photo.</p><p>In India, she’d been bored one night and decided to update all the photos for her contacts. When she chose a new picture for Ben, it was the first time she broke the silence since moving away. He’d sent her a selfie within a few minutes. It was of him holding a trophy that should have been hers up to his face and kissing it.</p><p>Devi just thought he had been trying to get a rise out of her. But now, as she looked at it, she wondered if he’d been trying to tell her something else by sending the picture.</p><hr/><p>When Devi makes it home, the house is dark, except for the light coming from the television in the living room. When she walks into it, she’s surprised to see that Kamala is still there.</p><p>“Kamala, what are you doing here?”</p><p>Kamala looks up from the screen, greeting Devi with a smile. “Prashant hates these teen dramas. I told him that I would stay over so I could marathon the next season of <em>Riverdale</em>.” </p><p>Devi slugs off her heels, kicking them to the side. She goes to sit next to Kamala, wanting to take her mind off the night she just had.</p><p>“So, how was the party?”</p><p>Devi sighs. “Fine.”</p><p>Kamala leans closer to her, a glint of mischief in her eyes. “Did you see Paxton?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“How is he?”</p><p>Devi tries to keep everything inside. But before she can stop herself, so it all comes tumbling out.</p><p>“Apparently, he has a girlfriend. One he didn’t mention to me when we ran into each other in India. I wish I knew about that before I quit my internship that didn’t actually end and moved here.”</p><p>Devi’s mouth falls open as Kamala’s eyes widen, realizing what she just said. She sits up straight on the couch, beginning to panic.</p><p>“Not that I moved here, for him or anything,” Devi says, almost in a plea. When Kamala is still staring at her, Devi feels her breath continue to quicken, and she hugs herself defensively. “I didn’t, Kamala! You have to believe me. Because if I did, that would be crazy, and I’m not crazy.”</p><p>After a few moments of eerie silence, Kamala finally moves. She reaches over to the arm of the couch, grabbing the remote and pausing the episode.</p><p>Devi’s face feels so hot that she’s tempted to run away to hide from her embarrassment and stick her head in the fridge to cool herself down.</p><p>But before she can make a move to stick her head next to some leftovers, Kamala places her hand on her arm.</p><p>“I don’t think you’re crazy.”</p><p>Devi does a double-take between Kamala and the area behind her. Making sure she’s not talking to someone else even though she knows her mother is asleep by now. When Devi confirms that she is indeed talking to her, Devi feels her anxiety starts to subside.</p><p>“You don’t?” Devi asks.</p><p>“No.” Kamala places a hand on each of Devi’s arms, smiling at her. “I think you’re in love!”</p><p>Devi blinks in confusion, startled but Kamala’s confident proclamation. When Devi doesn’t speak, Kamala edges towards her on the couch.</p><p>“In every romantic comedy, there’s always a grand gesture where they take the call to action to chase after the one they love,” Kamala slowly explains, as if she’s teaching the process of the water cycle to a couple of first-graders. “You’re in the climax of the story. You and Paxton are about to get your happy ending.”</p><p>“You think so?”</p><p>“Yes,” Kamala says, bubbling with excitement. “Can I help you get back together with Paxton? You helped me when I needed it, so I’ll help you.”</p><p>“But he’s dating someone else.”</p><p>“For now,” Kamala says, giving her a wink.</p><p>Kamala grabs the remote and un-pauses the episode. Devi turns to the screen, watching the same characters who broke up get back together again for the tenth time.</p><p>She always thought all the breaking up and getting back together was exhausting on television shows, that it was an excuse a writer used when they ran out of valid conflicts in the plot. But maybe, her chasing Paxton would be different. Paxton and Devi are meant to be. If they aren't, she’ll have to face what really brought her back home. That's something she definitely doesn't want to do. </p><hr/><p>Her first meeting with Dr. Ryan later that weekend surprisingly goes smoothly. She doesn’t look at her like she’s crazy when Devi explains her reasons for moving. Instead, she sits there and listens to her go off on this whole spiel about feeling like it was destiny and how everything came together for her to move back.</p><p>But it’s when Devi starts describing running into Ben at the pizza place, and the party when Dr. Ryan’s non-judgmental expression finally falters just an inch.</p><p>“So, how would you describe your feelings for Paxton?” Dr. Ryan asks.</p><p>“I don’t know how to explain it,” Devi says, leaning back on the couch. “Seeing him feels like…glitter is exploding inside of me.”</p><p>Dr. Ryan writes down something on her notepad with her lips turned down. “Hmm.”</p><p>“Why are you saying ‘hmm’ like it’s a bad thing?” Devi accuses. “Everyone loves glitter. It’s sparkly, and you can use it for celebrations or for decorating.”</p><p>“Glitter is one of those things that looks attractive, but it can also be destructive. Glitter falls off things quickly because it’s not adhesive.”</p><p>“You can’t seriously be calling glitter destructive right now,” Devi says. “Next thing you know, you’d be calling glue beautiful.”</p><p>“Glue is beautiful, Devi. It sticks, it’s strong, and it holds things together,” Dr. Ryan explains, folding her hands together. “It’s something you can trust when you feel like falling apart.”</p><p>“Glue can be messy too. It dries onto your fingers.”</p><p>“True, but I think it’s a different kind of messy. It’s easy to wash off—you can fix problems with glue head-on, whereas glitter can be dangerous because it’s sneakier about how it leaves a mess.”</p><p>“I can’t believe we’re using a metaphor about glitter and glue,” Devi says, throwing her hands into the air. “Paxton isn’t the glitter, and Ben’s not the glue.”</p><p>Dr. Ryan’s lips twitch. “I never said anything about who was glitter and who was glue.”</p><p>“Oh, you got me! Freudian slip or whatever,” Devi fidgets on the couch. “But that’s what you were thinking too. Glitter is great, and glue's got nothing on it.”</p><p>After a few seconds, Dr. Ryan leans forward in her chair, looking like she’s ready to drop a microphone.</p><p>“I also think other things about your life can represent glitter and glue,” Dr. Ryan adds.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That’s something I can’t tell you. You have to figure that out yourself.”</p><p>“Ugh,” Devi says, throwing her head back. “That should be your catchphrase.”</p><p>The time they have left passes quickly, but Dr. Ryan’s statement lingers in her mind long after leaving her office. </p><hr/><p>The first day back to her old school is unceremonious. While students tell her 'welcome back,' and teachers smile when she enters the classroom, it didn’t feel all that different than last year. She picks up where she left off—hanging out with Fabiola and Eleanor in-between classes, eyeing Paxton in the halls, and getting into heated exchanges with Ben during class.</p><p>Although, her exchanges with Ben were slightly different. Devi’s not sure if anyone else noticed it, but his retorts don’t have the same kick, and his calmness when he gets something right is less pretentious. It seems like he actually doesn’t want to rub anything in her face. Even though Devi still tries to beat him to answer each question, she does it for the sake of rising to the occasion and not in spite of Ben.</p><p>Maybe all of this is in her head. Mr. Shapiro looks as annoyed as ever when they both show up to class, muttering about finally getting a chance to teach AP Government and getting stuck dealing with the two of them.</p><p>That afternoon, Devi sits with Fabiola, Eleanor, Eve, and Oliver at the lunch table. She takes a backseat in the conversation, basking in the noise of her friends that she missed so dearly.</p><p>During her time at school in India last month, she’d only sat with a girl named Malar. The only thing they had in common was their love for Harry Potter. However, there is only so much you can say about Hogwarts houses and fan theories until you run out of topics.</p><p>“So, did you miss American lunches?” Fabiola asks, eating a tater tot.</p><p>Devi looks down at her plate, smiling sardonically. “Yes, lukewarm meat in an indescribable shape is something I extremely lacked over there.”</p><p>“You guys should come to the drama room today,” Eleanor says from beside Fabiola. “You can give me advice during auditions for who to cast in what role.”</p><p>Oliver places a hand on Eleanor’s on top of the table. “Sweetheart, when I tried to give you advice on your play, you threw my notes at me.”</p><p>“That was because you wanted a character to die. I will not kill off a character for the sake of dramatics!”</p><p>“But throwing papers wasn’t dramatic?” Devi asks.</p><p>“It was, but the action had justifiable reasoning. For something dramatic to work, you have to have enough build-up to it. Otherwise, it won’t be satisfying to the audience.” Eleanor turns to the left of the table. “Ben, back me up.”</p><p>Devi turned her head, seeing Ben Gross standing near where Fabiola and Eve are sitting. His lunch tray hovers a few inches from the table, freezing when Devi’s eyes land on him. Devi looks at everyone else, but and they weren’t even blinking at the sight of him joining their lunch table. It was like…they were expecting him.</p><p>Ben avoids Devi’s eyes as he sits next to Oliver. “Um, I’d rather not get involved in a couples spat.”</p><p>“But you’re super into discussing stories,” Eleanor reasons. “You talk about how Loki’s death in <em>Infinity War</em> felt lackluster because his arc was finally going somewhere new for once. And you go on all those rants when people bring up <em>The Rise of Skywalker</em> about how Ben’s death while sad, felt satisfying because it was a reverse of Anakin’s arc in the prequels.”</p><p>“I read your ending, and I disagree with Oliver.” Oliver makes a disgruntled noise, and Ben pats him sympathetically on the back. “Sorry, buddy, but I liked it. Killing off Ginny would make no sense. The whole plot is about her escaping her life by boarding a plane, but encountering the things she doesn’t want to face on it. We spend the whole play learning about her life, letting her escape it without getting to use the growth she experiences on the plane would be unsatisfying.”</p><p>Not only is Ben sitting at the lunch table with her friends, but he knows a lot about her friend’s lives, and they knew about his. What was going on?</p><p>“I think Ben has a good point,” Fabiola pips up. “The world’s sad enough already.”</p><p>“I don’t know if you should trust Ben’s story advice,” Eve says with a smirk. “Remember when we were at Fab’s house, and we did that game where everyone had to come up with a story involving the props we were assigned?”</p><p>“Eleanor gave me a clarinet, an orange, and a broom.” Ben places a hand on his forehead, making Devi assume that they brought this up frequently. “How was I supposed to go off that?”</p><p>“I don’t know. But I wasn’t expecting you to tell a story about a witch riding to band practice, and getting pulled over by a witch cop because she was eating an orange while driving to get her vitamin c,” Eleanor says.</p><p>Everyone starts to laugh, and Devi feels a chill go through her. Since Devi was gone for a few months, she missed out on all these inside jokes. And apparently, she’d missed out on Ben becoming a part of their friend group. While Devi isn’t upset about this, she feels distant from her friends even though she is right next to them. </p><p>Devi stands up abruptly, making everyone’s heads turn towards her.</p><p>“I forgot I don’t like the school’s milk,” Devi says, backing away from the table. “I’m going to go get a soda or something from the vending machine.”</p><p>She starts walking towards the exit, ignoring their worried looks. She makes a straight line towards the vending machine in the hall. She reaches into her pockets and pulls out a crinkled five-dollar bill. She tries putting it in, but it spits her money back out at her.</p><p>Devi straightens out the money with a huff and shoves it back into the slot. But when it spits it back out again, she kicks the vending machine and slumps her back against it in defeat.</p><p>When she hears the sound of footsteps approaching, she quickly turns around. She knows it’s probably Fabiola coming to check on her.</p><p>“Fab, I’m fine. I’m just thirsty. But this machine wants our school to go dehydrated.”</p><p>She stuffs the money into the slot, but the machine spits it out again. Before she can grab it, a hand reaches out from behind her, seizing the money. When Devi looks at the hand, she comes to a realization.</p><p>That is definitely not Fabiola’s hand. </p><p>Devi turns around slowly and is surprised when she is face to face with Ben.</p><p>“Oh, it’s you,” Devi says, her irritation at the vending machine beginning to fade.</p><p>Ben doesn’t say anything. Instead, he steps to the side of her, spreading the bill against the vending machine to straighten out. His eyes are meticulous as he does this, making sure he gets out ever bend of the paper before sticking it back into the slot. Devi glares at it when it eats it up quickly, feeling as if it’s mocking her.</p><p>When money disappears and points at the numbered buttons with a questioning look. Devi steps forward, pushing the number three button and watching as the machine releases a Sprite, and it falls into the hatch below. Ben leans down, grabbing the drink and handing it to her.</p><p>“Thanks,” she says quietly, taking it from his grasp.</p><p>They stare at each other for a few seconds, before Ben lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>Her mouth twists into a frown. “You’re sorry?”</p><p>“I didn’t know that Fabiola and Eleanor didn’t tell you that I started hanging out with them when you were in India,” he explains. “If I’d have known that, I wouldn’t have come over to sit with you guys.”</p><p>“Sitting with us wasn’t a problem, it was surprising, but not a bad thing,” Devi clarifies as she uncaps her drink. She rubs her hand against the condensation of the plastic, the droplets cooling her skin. Ben waits for her to continue patiently, letting Devi gather her thoughts. “I just realized how much I missed out on these past few months. It’s time that I can never get back with them.”</p><p>Devi slumps onto the ground, resting her head against the hallway wall. Ben gravitates next to her. Despite the sadness she feels, this action makes Devi feel better.</p><p>“Devi, you still were there even if you weren’t physically there. I don’t want to make your ego bigger than it already is, but they talked about you whenever I was with them.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“They talked about you guys having these virtual sleepovers and mall trips where you would act like you were in the same place,” he tells her with a kind smile. “Don’t worry, you still have plenty of inside jokes together, even if your annoying smirk wasn’t present to rub it in other people’s faces.”</p><p>Devi laughs and bumps her shoulder against his. He nudges her back, and the two sit there for a while, watching as people pass them in the hall.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me about becoming friends with them?” Devi eventually asks.</p><p>“You and I only talked every once and a while. It didn’t come up in our short text conversations,” Ben says, wringing his hands anxiously in his lap. “I also was afraid that you’d think I was lame like I was so desperate for friends that I poached yours.”</p><p>“I've always thought you were lame,” Devi says. But before he can quip back at her, she clarifies, “But not for wanting to have good friends. So, welcome to our gang.”</p><p>“The gang? Do we have a mystery machine to solve mysteries in?”</p><p>“Maybe.” Devi focuses her eyes on him in faux thought. “You do seem like an un-intelligible talking dog-like Scooby-Doo.”</p><p>He rolls his eyes. “Why did I come out here to try to make you feel better again?”</p><p>“Uh, because I’m awesome.”</p><p>She’s prepared for him to disagree, but instead, he’s looking at her, really looking at her.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben agrees. “That must why.”</p><p>Not too much longer after that, they make their way back into the lunchroom. When they approach the table, everyone quickly turns their heads to their food as if they hadn’t watched them come in together.</p><p>Fabiola moves to sit next to Devi, and Eleanor goes on the other side of her.</p><p>“Devi, are you ok?” Fabiola asks. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dev nods, and puts an arm around each of her friends and pulls them close. “I’m just so happy to be back home with you guys.”</p><p>“Aw, we’re glad too,” Eleanor coos, hugging her back. “We missed you so much.”</p><p>She releases the two of them and takes a sip of her drink. “Why didn’t you tell me about becoming friends with Ben?”</p><p>They both share a look, and Eleanor seems to lose whatever argument they’re having when she looks away from Fabiola.</p><p>Eleanor turns to Devi with a hesitant look. “Because You got weird every time Ben came up in conversation.”</p><p>Devi crosses her arms across her chest like a shield. “No, I didn’t,”</p><p>“Yeah, you did,” Eleanor disagrees with a frown. “When we mentioned Ben, you’d say something snarky, but you’d look and sound all sad when you said it.”</p><p>“We didn’t like seeing you like that, so we just decided not to tell you until you came back,” Fabiola adds. </p><p>Devi’s hardened glower fractures. She knows they are right. Whenever Ben came up in their many phone calls, it seemed to send a shock through her. Her friends were just trying to do what they thought was right, and she loves them for caring about her so much.</p><p>“I understand the sentiment, but you guys can tell me anything,” Devi says to them. “You know that, right?”</p><p>“Of course,” Fabiola says.</p><p>“So, you and Ben are still friends, right?” Eleanor asks as she turns back to her lunch. “We can all be friends, and it won’t be weird?”</p><p>Devi nods, and that seems to satisfy both of them.</p><p>The table turns into its usual madness. Eleanor starts dramatically reciting a monologue she learned last night. Fabiola gets into a rant about mechanics where Devi can only understand every other word. Devi ends up spilling her soda when she gets too excited about this new album she listened to the night before.</p><p>The only difference at the lunch table is that Ben talks every once and a while, bringing his own chaos to the table with his random factoids and winded stories about celebrities he’s met.</p><p>But somehow, the equilibrium of the table dynamic doesn’t seem unbalanced. When Devi corrects Ben’s translation of something in mandarin, and they start a bickering match in a different language, it feels as if this is how it always was supposed to be.</p><hr/><p>When Devi gets home, she finds Kamala sitting on the living room floor.</p><p>“Oh good, your home,” Kamala says, pushing aside papers filled with baby shower ideas she must have printed off from Pinterest. “I came up with an idea.”</p><p>“For how to get up off the floor without looking like a flapping walrus?” Devi jokes.</p><p>Kamala’s eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“I mean—a beautiful flapping walrus,” she corrects. “A total babe of a walrus.”</p><p>Kamala snorts and pats the floor next to her. Devi approaches cautiously, slugging off her backpack, and sitting beside her.</p><p>“Anyway, my ideas about how to get you back together with Paxton. While you were dating, you guys used always to go bowling. Why not invite him out with you?”</p><p>Devi remembers Paxton taking her bowling, and spending most of the time watching him get strikes while her bowling ball’s favorite spot was the gutter. But he liked it, and she had fun watching his muscles flex as he threw the ball down the lane, even if she spent most of the date bored.</p><p>“It might make him reminisce about the good times we had before breaking up,” Devi ponders.</p><p>“Exactly!”</p><p>“How many teen dramas did you watch to come up with that idea?”</p><p>Her hands go defensively to her stomach. “The baby likes them, not me.”</p><hr/><p>She’s buzzing with nerves when she gets to Paxton’s house the next day after school. After a few deep breaths, she knocks on the door.</p><p>“Hey Paxton,” she greets him when he opens the door. “You doing anything today?”</p><p>“No, Macy’s out of town cheering at an away game,” he says, leaning against the door frame.</p><p>“Great!” Paxton looks at her strangely, and she gulps. “I mean, just because that means this coupon won’t go to waste.”</p><p>Devi pulls the coupon she spent a few hours searching for on the internet last night and hands it to him.</p><p>“First game free?” Paxton says, reading the coupon. He looks at her in excitement. “This is awesome, and we can catch up.”</p><p>“That’s what I was thinking.”</p><p>Just then, Paxton’s phone starts ringing. He pulls it out and looks at the screen.</p><p>“It’s the head coach.” He opens the door wider to let her in. “You can wait inside while I talk to him.”</p><p>Devi walks through the door as he answers the phone, and begins pacing away towards his room to talk. She’s standing awkwardly in the front of his house when Rebecca enters. After a few seconds, Rebecca looks up from her phone and scans Devi in surprise.</p><p>After a second, she walks over, pulling her into a hug.</p><p>“It’s so nice to see you,” Rebecca says when they part. “I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too! I watched the live fashion, so you were a part of it, it rocked.”</p><p>“Thanks.” They stand in silence for a while, before Rebecca puts on a knowing smile. “Go ahead and ask me.”</p><p>“Ask you what?”</p><p>“About Macy,” Rebecca clarifies, looking amused. “You look like a shaken-up can of soda that’s about to burst if you don’t ask.”</p><p>“Fine,” Devi sighs. She should’ve known Rebecca would catch on. “What’s she like? Are they serious? Do you like her?”</p><p>“At first I thought she was one of those stereotypical cheerleader types, but she’s pretty great. She is this crazy math genius, she makes the best cupcakes, and she seems to make my brother happy.”</p><p>Devi’s shoulders slump. “Oh…that’s great.”</p><p>“Devi, I know I wanted you guys to work out, but it didn’t,” Rebecca says with a sigh. “Macy is also too good for him, but they seem to click.”</p><p>“And Paxton and I didn’t?”</p><p>“You guys dated for two months, and you got along, but you both were closed off from one another. Like all the buildup didn’t meet your expectations, so you just kept it going until you finally decided it was better to be friends.”</p><p>Rebecca’s words of truth hit her hard like a smack in the face.</p><p>“Well, maybe it’ll be different this time,” Devi says faintly. </p><p>“But, you’re still searching.”</p><p>Devi cocks her head. “What do you mean I’m still searching?”</p><p>“You keep searching for something to make you perfectly happy. But nothing can make you feel happy unless you accept that—.”</p><p>Whatever bit of wisdom Rebecca was about to impart gets cut short by seeing Paxton enter the room behind Devi.</p><p>“Alright, ready to go?” Paxton asks Devi, sticking his phone back in his pocket.</p><p>Devi forces a smile. “Yeah, I’m ready.”</p><p>Paxton and Devi start walking to the door. But as Paxton walks down the steps, Devi’s stopped by Rebecca.</p><p>“I like you, Devi, but I love my brother. Be careful with him,” Rebecca warns. “Don’t try to take more than you can give.”</p><p>She feels a pang of guilt twisting inside, and nods at Rebecca.</p><p>As she gets into the car with Paxton, she wonders what Rebecca was going to say before, about how Devi couldn’t be happy until she did something. Devi hasn’t felt completely happy in a long time; all she wants is to go back and time to when things were simpler when her father was still alive. But she can’t get him back, so maybe replacing him with something else would fix everything, and finally end her endless searching.</p><p>But as they drove to the bowling alley and spared glimpses at Paxton, that empty pit in her stomach remained.</p><hr/><p>“Strike!” Paxton exclaims, pumping his fists as he turns away from the lane empty of pins once again.</p><p>Devi bobs her head, fighting it hard to fake enthusiasm any longer. The weight of her conversation with Rebecca still weighs heavily on her mind. She gets up, approaching the lane as the gutters pop up. She looks over at Paxton uneasily.</p><p>“I feel weird using the gates when you don’t.”</p><p>“It’s fun to watch you zig-zag the ball. Except when you threw it too hard, and it landed in the other person’s lane,” he says with a cringe.</p><p>“At least I knocked down one of their pins.” </p><p>Devi throws the ball and ends up getting a split, which is a vast improvement after her past few turns. When she turns back around, she sees Paxton sitting down at their table and grinning wildly at his phone.</p><p>“What are you smiling at?” she asks, sitting next to him.</p><p>He quickly flips the phone around so she can’t see the screen. “Oh, nothing.”</p><p>“Come on, tell me.”</p><p>He turns his phone around, looking bashful. “Macy just sent me a text.”</p><p>She expects that pang of hurt to hit her, but it doesn’t. Instead, Devi finds her lips quirking up, watching a blush form on his face. Seeing Paxton blush is a sight she’d never thought she’d see.</p><p>“You really like her, don’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah. I do,” Paxton says, beginning to beam. After a second, he grits his teeth, looking guilty. “I’m sorry, we’re friends, but we’re still exes, we shouldn’t talk about this with you.”</p><p>“No, it’s ok,” Devi says, and the words come out easier than she thought they would. “It’s good that you’re happy.”</p><p>He nods, putting away his phone and meeting her eyes. “Are you happier being back here?”</p><p>She considers just being cordial, giving a simple yes. But she finds herself shrugging.</p><p>“Yes and no,” Devi admits. “I thought that moving to India would fill this hole in my life, but it didn’t. Then I thought moving back here would, but it hasn’t yet. It’s like nothing can fill it no matter what I do. You know what I mean?”</p><p>Paxton tilts his head back and forth. “Sort of?”</p><p>She lets out a shaky laugh. “It’s ok if you don’t.”</p><p>“I want to understand, but I guess I’m just not like that,” Paxton confesses. “I think it’s easier to go about life being content with what you have.”</p><p>“That’s easy when you have a face like that,” Devi drawls, pointing at his jagged cheekbones.</p><p>Paxton laughs and slings an arm around her shoulder. “I’m glad you moved back, even if you’re not getting what you thought you would get out of it.”</p><p>His touch doesn’t make her heart quicken like it once would. Devi looks at him thoughtfully, wondering if it was time that changed that or if it was the fact that both of them had changed themselves since then.</p><p>“Maybe it’s for the best,” Devi says.</p><p>She has a brief thought that passes, about maybe she’s just not meant to be whole again, but it floats off as she sees Trent and Marcus approaching them with bowling shoes in their hands. </p><p>“I hope you don’t mind I invited them for a group hang,” Paxton says.</p><p>“Nah, it’s cool,” Devi waves him off. “Plus, we can make them pay for the food.”</p><p>“I like where your head is at.”</p><hr/><p>A few weeks pass, and she starts to get into the old but new rhythm of things. She plays catch up on her classes, spends every other day with Fabiola and Eleanor working on homework or hanging out while listening to a new Broadway album Eleanor is raving about that week.</p><p>Different people sometimes drop-in on their trio. It’s either Fabiola or Eleanor’s significant others or Ben, who enjoys Eleanor’s music taste and is a great person to watch films with on their movie nights. For the first time, Devi can swap snarky comments back and forth with someone while watching a movie, much to the annoyance of their friends.</p><p>Her motive to get back together with Paxton became a small footnote in her day to day life. She occasionally talks to him at school and even chats with Macy whenever she’s with him. Leaving their relationship as a possibility instead of a mission helps her feel less crazy about the situation.</p><p>Devi’s at the pizza place again one weekend, mindlessly enjoying the taste of melted cheese and pepperoni when she feels someone touch her shoulder.</p><p>“Hungry for pizza again already?”</p><p>Devi turns, seeing Ben smiling down at her. She smiles back and motions him to sit on the other side of the table.</p><p>“Looks like you can’t stay away from here either,” Devi points out.  </p><p>“I have a hard time coming in here, to be honest,” Ben admits, fidgeting in his chair as he looks around him. “It gives me flashbacks of a memory I’d like to erase.”  </p><p>“Wait, was this the place where you blew on pizza for your best friend?”</p><p>“He was not a best friend. He was a creep, and we’re done talking about this,” Ben says, gritting his teeth at the thought of the guy.</p><p>“I’m sorry to bring up such a traumatic memory,” Devi apologizes, but she’s still grinning.</p><p>“It’s ok,” Ben says, his embarrassment dissipating. “I’ll just have to come here more and replace that memory with my actual friends.”</p><p>Devi puts down her pizza, looking at him curiously. “Like me?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben nods, beginning to beam at her in that way that makes it harder to breathe. “Like you.”</p><p>Devi picks up her glass, drinking the water in it because her throat suddenly feels dry.</p><p>“My mom keeps trying to get me to eat healthy at the house, so, I’ll probably be coming here to escape more,” Devi says once she swallows, putting the glass on top of her napkin. “I miss her cooking. It’s so good.”</p><p>“I remember it was very memorable,” Ben drawls out, obviously remembering the meal he had at their house where he had to chug down a cup of water with every bite.</p><p>“You just have beginners taste buds,” she retorts. “You need to work at building up your tolerance of spicy food.”</p><p>“I guess I’ll have to find some good Indian place nearby to practice.”</p><p>He picks up the menu on the table, and Devi pushes it down, an idea forming in her mind.</p><p>“What if I bring the Indian place to you?”</p><p>“My house is big, but a whole restaurant won’t fit in there very well.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes at his attempt at a joke. “I mean that I can bring Indian food to you by cooking for you.”</p><p>“You want to cook for me?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Devi nods. “You, of course, have to buy the food.”</p><p>“So, you’ll just be making food I bought in my kitchen?” he responds dryly.</p><p>“I’ll be eating it too,” she clarifies. “You think after slaving in the kitchen that I’m not going to eat my hard work?”</p><p>“So, you’d be making us both dinner?” </p><p>“You can’t go on this taste bud training alone. You need a master like myself to help you.”</p><p>“Alright, Mr. Miyagi, just don’t make me wash your car or paint your fence and claim that’s training.”</p><p>Devi looks at her fingers, inspecting her nails in thought. “My nail polish is a little chipped. You could paint those.”</p><hr/><p>A few days later they're out on his deck. They’re sitting outside because Ben said that her nails would dry faster out in the sun. Devi has her hands spanned out on the table, as Ben sits beside her carefully applying lavender paint onto her nails.  </p><p>“I was just kidding about doing my nails,” Devi mentions as Ben finishes the second coat on her pinky finger.</p><p>“Then why did you bring over this nail polish?”</p><p>Devi shuts her mouth, knowing she doesn’t have a good excuse. She watches as he begins to apply the topcoat, the brush not even skimming her skin once.</p><p>“How are you so good at this?” Devi asks, trying to ignore the tingling in her hand as he holds her fingers steady. “My hand looks like a murder scene by the time I’m done painting them.”</p><p>“Patty sometimes bring here grandkids over. Her granddaughter Lucy has me paint each nail a different color because she has an obsession with rainbows.”</p><p>“That’s nice of you.”</p><p>“They’re the ones who are nice enough to come to some lonely kid’s house and take pity on him for an hour or so,” Ben mumbles.</p><p>Devi could let this comment pass, change the subject after giving a sympathetic look. But she can’t find it in herself to let him go on thinking that he’s some burden to people any longer. So, she pulls her hand from under Ben’s and places it on top of his hand.</p><p>“I like being friends with you,” she says, gripping his hand.</p><p>“I like being friends with you too,” he admits, and then his smile turning from bright to smug. “Even if you’re insufferable sometimes.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m a delight!” Devi defends. “Sandra Bullock’s got nothing on me, I’d win miss congeniality in a heartbeat.”</p><p>“I can see you whooping a guy’s ass as your talent on stage.”</p><p>“You know it,” Devi says proudly.</p><p>Before Ben can think of some sort of zinger, the timer goes off on her phone.</p><p>“The food’s done,” Devi announces, standing up and running back inside towards the kitchen. “Ready for me to dazzle your taste buds?”</p><p>“More like my nerve endings will be fried to a crisp.”</p><p>Devi takes out the oven mitts and pulls out the dish and places it on the kitchen table.</p><p>“Relax, Ben. This is basically just like a spicy chicken. You’ll be fine.”</p><p>She begins carving it into pieces and puts some on each of their plates. She looks up at Ben, who seems to be sweating just from the sight of it.</p><p>“I’m here,” Devi says, smirking. “You can do this.”</p><p>Ben nods, grabbing the fork and getting some of the chicken on it. He makes sure to stir it into the sauce, probably because he knows Devi will call him out on it if he doesn’t. Ben raises it to his lips slowly, looking back and forth between the food and Devi. Once she gives an encouraging nod, he forces the food into his mouth.</p><p>“Oh, it’s so hot,” he says instantly, breathing through his mouth. “But, it’s good.”</p><p>“Just think about that good part. It’ll mostly be what you taste after a while.”</p><p>“You might have to stick around for a while until I get to that point,” he says, swallowing uneasily and reaching for his glass of water.</p><p>“Yeah,” Devi says, her smile growing as she watches Ben adorably trying to eat another bite without looking distraught from the spiciness. “I can stick around for a while.”</p><hr/><p>Before she knows it, Halloween is just around the bend. She usually spends the night with Fabiola and Eleanor, but Shapiro announced in class that they’re doing the trick or treating fundraiser at the high school to raise money for a new band room. Kids from the elementary and middle school can come and knock on all the classroom doors to get candy. </p><p>Now that she’s back in orchestra, the idea of getting a bigger space is enticing. Plus, Fabiola and Eve want to go to a showing of Rocky Horror, and Eleanor and Oliver are going to this party filled with drama kids. While she loves her friends, both of those things didn’t sound too appealing to her. </p><p>She’s staring at the sign-up sheet in the hall when she sees Paxton approaching with a pencil.</p><p>Devi takes a deep breath. While she isn’t pursuing him directly because he’s with Macy, maybe if they spent a little more time together, those feelings would finally fully surface again for both of them. </p><p>“Paxton, do you want to group up?” she asks, leaning on the wall behind them, trying to look casual but failing as her elbow slips a little down the wall. </p><p>“Sorry, Macy and I signed up for doing the gym room,” he says, pointing at the list. “I just have to put down our costumes. We’re going as Jason and Janet from <em>The Good Place</em>, Macy loves that show.” </p><p>“That sounds nice,” Devi smiles, deflating a little but doesn’t feel too disappointed. “You’d make a good DJ.”</p><p>He puts a hand to his chest. “That’s one of the best compliments I could ever receive.”</p><p>He writes in what costumes they’re wearing next to their names, and waves goodbye as he disappears down the hallway. Devi grips her pencil, thinking of who else could be her partner. </p><p>Suddenly, the obvious answer pops in her head. She begins to speed-walk down the hall towards the art classroom, where she knows Ben is. He usually stays behind after his art class to work on his assignments. While Ben can paint nails phenomenally, the boy wasn’t too skilled at other forms of art. He needed all the time he could get to make his work look passable in that class. </p><p>When Devi walks in, she's assaulted by the smell of pumpkins. There are pumpkin guts in the trashcan and a sticky orange residue on the work tables. Mrs. Hernandez is sitting behind her desk, eating her lunch as Ben hacks away at his pumpkin in the middle of the room with his brows drawn in concentration. Devi walks towards him and has to put a hand to her mouth to stop laughing when she sees his pumpkin. </p><p>Ben hears her choked laugh from behind him, turning around and glowering at her. </p><p>“Don’t say anything."</p><p>Devi bites her lip, looking at the pumpkins with hundreds of scratch marks on it. “What would I say? Surely not that your pumpkin looks like it got a thousand different paper cuts.”</p><p>“Pulling out its guts made my hand slippery, and this knife is too small!” </p><p>“A poor craftsman blames his tools.”</p><p>He groans, his head falling onto the table. Devi smiles, finding his childish expression of exhaustion endearing. </p><p>“I’m a master with a carving knife. My dad and I carved the starry night painting on a pumpkin one year,” Devi says, getting closer to him. “Let me help.”</p><p>Devi leans forward, taking his hand and guiding it to the pumpkin. When Devi begins carving the shape of the pumpkin’s mouth, she realizes how close she is to Ben. Her hand remains steady, but her breath becomes a little shaky as she feels her cheek touching the side of his face. </p><p>Ben’s shoulders stiffen as her body brushed against his back. They move up and down together as Devi cuts into the pumpkin, forming a jagged looking smile. </p><p>When Devi’s done, she pulls her hand away from his. Devi immediately misses its warmth. She puts her hands in her sweatshirt pocket as if someone could notice it’s longing to touch Ben again from the sight of her hands alone. </p><p>“Thanks,” Ben says, his voice abnormally low. </p><p>Devi pushes away the feeling of a certain creature fluttering in her stomach as he looks at her. </p><p>“You should put a pumpkin spice candle in there. It would help make up for how badly you messed up the eyes,” Devi says, insulting him to break the tension. </p><p>“How are the eyes wrong? They’re circles, aren’t they?”</p><p>“If circles are actually obtuse triangles, then yes. They’re circles.” </p><p>“What are you doing for Halloween anyway?” Ben asks, toying with the carving utensil in his hands. “Watching cheesy Disney Channel movies with Fabiola and Eleanor as you eat all the candy intended for trickier treaters?” </p><p>“No, all candy is starting to pale in comparison to the ones I had in India. I miss these chocolate candies called Parle Melody so much,” Devi says, almost drooling while remembering the taste of them. “So, I was thinking about volunteering at the trickier treating thing the school is doing.” </p><p>“I was thinking about doing that too for National Honors Society volunteer hours.” </p><p>Devi sits on the stool next to him, her hands anxiously tapping on the table. “Do you want to be my door partner?” </p><p>Ben’s mouth falls open a little, but he snaps it closed. “Sure, I’d love to partner up with you.”</p><p>“Great, I’ll sign us up,” Devi says, standing up off the stool. But after she takes a few steps away, she turns back around. “Oh, I forgot. They want everyone’s partners to dress up in matching costumes.”</p><p>“What did you have in mind?” </p><p>“I thought we’d go as characters from a show we both like.” </p><p>The corner of his mouth quirks up hopefully. “I hope you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking.” </p><p>“You know I’m thinking about what you think I’m thinking.” </p><p>“Can you guys stop thinking so loudly,” Mrs. Hernandez says from her desk, looking annoyed as she chews on her sandwich. “Some of us are trying to eat in the slim amount of time we’re given to take a break from you people.” </p><p>They shoot her an apologetic look and start cleaning up Ben’s workspace. Ben gathers his things and leaves his scarred pumpkin with perfect lips and unevenly shaped eyes on the table. Devi has a giddy pep to her step as they walk to their next class, trading ideas of how to find what they need for their costumes. </p><hr/><p>Devi has on a Halloween playlist as she finishes getting ready for the trick or treating fundraiser. She straightens her peach shirt and black blazer, grinning at her reflection in the mirror. She's oddly excited about having to deal with hundreds of kids with too much sugar in their systems.</p><p>“You look nice,” her mother appraises her from the couch.</p><p>“Thanks,” Devi says and grabs her purse. “I should be home around ten.” </p><p>“Feel free to stay out till twelve tonight.”</p><p>Devi blinks, her body snapping towards her mother in shock. Kamala and Prashant, who sit beside her on the couch, look just as stunned. </p><p>“I’m sorry, did you just say that I’m free to stay past my curfew?” Devi gaps. </p><p>Her mother rolls her eyes. “Yes, Devi. It’s Halloween. You should have fun.”</p><p>Devi walks in front of her, narrowing her eyes as if she’s an alien. “Who are you, and what have you done with my mother?”</p><p>“Don’t be so dramatic.” Her mother picks up her tea and takes a sip. “You’ll be with Ben Gross tonight, right?” </p><p>“Uh, yeah.” </p><p>“Then you’ll be fine. I trust Ben to keep you from doing anything stupid.” </p><p>While Devi should accept her mother’s uncharacteristic coolness and not ask any questions, she can’t help but be curious. “What makes you trust him more than other guys I’ve liked?” </p><p>“Because you’re not trying to be someone else with him,” her mother explains with a bored look as if this is so obvious. “I still think you’re too young to date, but you could’ve picked someone worse than Ben Gross. So, I’m grateful for that.” </p><p>Devi hasn’t been speechless much in her life. She always has words to say. But at this moment, nothing comes to mind. Luckily, the doorbell rings before Devi can agree with her mother, and have her hold that over her head forever. </p><p>When Devi opens the door, she’s not the only one with a slacked jaw. </p><p>Ben’s eyes wander over her, looking at her costume. She blushes and finds herself doing the same thing. Ben’s wearing a leather jacket, an untucked blue button-down, with a tie hanging loosely around his neck. The leather jacket shows out is surprisingly jacked looking arms. Devi feels the need to throw some insults about how he looks because when he wears blue, making his eyes pop, it makes her get lost in the depth of the color every time. </p><p>Ben beams at her. “You look great—I mean, just like Amy.”</p><p>“Usually, pantsuits aren’t my thing, but I think I’m rocking it,” Devi says, striking what she hopes is a detective looking pose with her arms on her hips. </p><p>Ben gasps, pointing at what’s in her left hand. “You even have a binder!”</p><p>“And you even have a badge!” Devi says, taking a step forward and inspecting the badge that hangs from a thread, looking exactly like the one Jake wears on <em>Brooklyn Nine-Nine</em>. “It looks so real. Where’d you get it?”</p><p>“Someone who works on the set owes my dad a favor.” </p><p>Devi laughs because, of course, his dad has connections to celebrities everywhere.  </p><p>“Speaking of which, I have something for you,” Ben says, revealing a plastic bag he’d been holding behind his back.</p><p>She takes it, looking at him questioning as she opens the bag. When she sees what’s inside, she jumps. </p><p>“Parle Melody chocolates!” </p><p>“You kept talking about how they were your lifeline in India, so I tracked some down,” Ben explains as she grabs the package, his hand nervously scratching behind his ear. “I figured it wouldn’t be a good Halloween for you without them.” </p><p>Devi tightens her grip on the bag. “Thanks, Ben.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he shrugs, his usual cockiness absent.   </p><p>“I mean it,” Devi says firmly, taking a step towards him and pulling him in for a hug. “Thank you.” </p><p>Ben’s a little jolted by it at first, but quickly puts his arms around her back as she loops her arms around his neck. Up this close, Devi smells the honey shampoo he uses, and the lingering scent of aftershave on his cheeks, along with something else that is inexplicably Ben. She wants to bottle the smell, feeling the comfort of his arms around her every time she sprays it. </p><p>Regrettably, Devi pulls away from him after a few moments, realizing that three sets of eyes are on them from the couch.</p><p>She turns around, seeing her mother and Prashant smirking while Kamala has a confused look on her face. Devi winces, thinking about how she keeps avoiding the subject of Paxton around Kamala lately. She doesn’t know how to tell Kamala that nothing has come of it and that Devi doesn’t care as much as she ought to. </p><p>Devi walks backward, and Ben gravitates along with her, his cheeks looking rosy. </p><p>“We should be heading out,” she says. </p><p>“Have fun, you two,” Prashant says, waving at them innocently. </p><p>Once they disappear out of the house, Kamala turns to Nalini. “I thought she still liked Paxton?” </p><p>Nalini shrugs, but her lips twitch as she picks up her mug. </p><p>“Who’s Paxton?” Prashant asks. </p><p>“Her ex, who she’s still in love with!” </p><p>“It seems like Devi’s in love with that boy. Did you not see the way she was looking at him?”</p><p>“No, her and Paxton are destined,” Kamala says, gruffly folding her arms across her chest. “Right, Nalini?” </p><p>Nalini says nothing, but a slow smile grows on her face as she thinks back to the scene she just witnessed, the look in that boy’s eyes reminding her of how Mohan used to look at her. Like a man ready to brave a storm, as long as Devi was beside him. </p><p>While Devi was a lot like her father, Nalini couldn’t help but see herself reflected in the way Devi looked at Ben. That intensity that blazed in her eyes lit up less harshly when she looked at Ben, turning into a soft glow. </p><p>Nalini still didn’t approve of her daughter pursuing boys at her age. But out of anyone Devi could point that kind of look at, she’s glad it was at a guy like Ben. </p><hr/><p>“Oh, look, more customers,” Devi shouts as they hear another knock on the door.</p><p>“David, we’ve been doing this for the past hour and a half, fifty kids have already come. You don’t have to act like we’re a small bookstore that just got a single customer to enter every time someone comes to the door.” </p><p>“Get in the spooky spirit Ben,” Devi replies, her hands on her hips. “Or else I’ll close down the store and won’t offer you one letter of reference.”</p><p>“Not even one?” Ben lets out a fake gasp. “David, that’s too harsh.”</p><p>“You’re lucky I don’t call up your future employers and talk about how badly you organized the YA shelf. Anyone would know that Edgar Allen Poe doesn’t belong there. You probably gave some poor kid nightmares of ravens and hearts beating under floorboards.” </p><p>Devi opens the door, and the two of them hand a boy dressed as a pirate and a girl wearing a dementor costume two pieces of candy each. </p><p>As they leave, Ben shouts after them, “Thank you for supporting small businesses!” </p><p>Devi turns around, giving him a friendship punch that makes him grimace. She then shuts the door, smirking at him.  </p><p>“So,” Ben says, sitting on top of one of the desks in the classroom. “You going to give any of your chocolate to the kids?” </p><p>“Hell no,” Devi says, her hands instinctually going to the bag she’d already snuck a few pieces out of. “They wouldn’t be able to appreciate them!”</p><p>“Literally taking candy from babies, David,” he comments, shaking his head. “I’m appalled, but not surprised.” </p><p>Devi sits at the desk next to his, beginning to unwrap a piece of her candy. She eats the chocolate, sighing in delight at the taste. </p><p>He continues to shake his head, but he’s smiling now. “You’re sickening.”</p><p>“Oh, you love it,” Devi says, throwing the wrapper into the trash. “You’ve been obsessed with me since the first grade.”</p><p>“More like you’ve been obsessed with me,” Ben says, getting off the desk and sitting on the chair beside her. “You stole my homework in the first grade, and you mimicked my handwriting to write a note to the teacher that I had to sit out during recess because I had a case of ‘poopy head.’ Beautifully written, by the way.”</p><p>“At least I’m not the one who spread a rumor about Josh and I getting our braces stuck together at a spin the bottle game in sixth grade,” Devi retorts. “Which was so not true.”</p><p>“I only did that because you told everyone I still used a night light.”</p><p>“You did!”</p><p>“I did not; it was a lava lamp,” Ben corrects. “That’s totally different.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes playfully. “I’ll admit that it’s different if you admit you’ve been obsessed with me since the first grade.”</p><p>“I was obsessed with beating you because you were so smart and annoyingly pretty.”</p><p>Devi stills, watching him holding his badge around his neck casually as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on her.</p><p>“Excuse me?” </p><p>He looks up, his face freezing in the realization of what he just said. “What?” </p><p>“Did you just say you’ve always thought I was smart and pretty?” Devi says, beginning to smile. </p><p>He shrinks in his seat. “I think you forgot the annoying part.”</p><p>Devi bites her lip, looking down at her lavender painted nails. </p><p>Maybe it’s because it’s late, maybe it’s because of all the sugar she’s eaten, or maybe it’s because he’s freakin’ wearing blue and she seems to say things to him that she shouldn’t say when he is.</p><p>“I was obsessed with beating you because you seemed to understand me in a way that no one else did,” Devi states. </p><p>She feels Ben’s eyes heavy on her, but she keeps looking at her nails as she continues her explanation. </p><p>“You somehow always knew when something was behind me throwing a beaker or pushing a diorama off a table. You never looked at me like I was crazy. You looked at me like a person,” Devi tells him, feeling her breath quicken. “I liked being rivals with you because you made me feel normal.”</p><p>When she gathers enough bravery to look at Ben, she sees that he isn’t laughing at her or shocked. Instead, he has an aura of calmness. Like he’s accepted something he’s denied for too long.</p><p>“We should meet,” Ben says after a long pause.</p><p>She tilts her head to the side. “Uh, I think that already happened a long time ago.”</p><p>“No, I mean, we should pretend to meet again,” Ben corrects. “Like we’re strangers.”</p><p>“Like if we met in a different time and place?”</p><p>“Yes, no classroom or spelling bees. We just bump into each other one day.”</p><p>When he notices that Devi is still squinting at him apprehensively, he jumps out of his seat, buzzing with excitement. </p><p>“Come on, David, it’s Halloween. It’s all about playing pretend,” Ben reasons. “You’re the one who said we should get into the spooky spirit.”</p><p>Devi relents, standing up and, feeling his excitement going into her. “Alright, but we have to set the scene.” </p><p>She walks over to counter and a sink in the science room. She pulls up a stool and sits down. Then, Devi extends her hands, positioning them like they’re on a keyboard. </p><p>“I’m at a coffee shop on my laptop watching Netflix,” Devi begins to narrate. “I’m drinking a white chocolate peppermint mocha.”</p><p>“Is it Christmas?”</p><p>“Why does it have to be Christmas to enjoy peppermint?”</p><p>“Because Starbucks only offers that seasonally.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not at Starbucks. I’m at a place that doesn’t exclude seasonal beverages from the year-long menu.”</p><p>“Alright, some edgy cool place where the seats are uncomfortable, and the baristas all wear beanies,” Ben nods, painting the picture in his mind. “Got it.”</p><p>“Like I was saying, I’m sitting down typing on my computer when you come in.”</p><p>“Yes, I come in, and the bell above me rings,” Ben paces towards her, holding a hand above his head, pretending like he’s ringing a bell. “You turn your head, and your eyes on me linger before turning back to your laptop because I’m the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen in this coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon.”</p><p>“Alright, that’s debatable but ok,” she rolls her eyes. “You then walk past me and order a drink.”</p><p>“I order a Frappuccino because it’s hot outside, and I’m drinking a beverage that reflects the weather.” Devi glares at him, but he ignores this, taking a step towards her. “I look around, trying to find a place to sit. My eyes land on you, and I walk towards you.”</p><p>Ben walks closer and gestures to the stool beside her.</p><p>“Can I sit here?” Ben asks.</p><p>“I begrudgingly move my purse over, and let you sit down,” Devi narrates, pretending to push aside something on the counter. “As I reach for the outlet in the middle of the table, our hands’ brush.”</p><p>Ben quirks his eyebrow. “They do?”</p><p>Devi reaches over, her fingers quickly brushing against his.</p><p>“I look up at you and smile,” Ben tells her, even though he is already smiling.</p><p>“I smile back.”</p><p>He settles next to her, getting into character, “You look like someone I know.”</p><p>“Is she super-hot and amazing?” </p><p>“I don’t know if I’d use the word super,” Ben says, his smile growing soft. “But yeah, that’s a pretty good guess.”</p><p>“You look like someone I knew once, too,” Devi says. </p><p>“Really? Was he super handsome and intelligent?”</p><p>“Again, I think super is a strong word…but those aren’t bad adjectives to describe him.”</p><p>She can hear kids laughing outside the classroom, the hum of Halloween music drifting through the school, but the sound of her breath seems loud as she and Ben look at each other. This pretend scenario suddenly starts feeling very real. As long as they have this verisimilitude, Devi feels liberated to confess something she wouldn’t otherwise. </p><p>“Can you tell him, the other guy who looks like you, that I’m sorry for not saying goodbye when I moved?”</p><p>Ben’s face becomes clouded. Devi said goodbye to everyone, even Tanner Michael’s, who she’d only spoken to once to coax him into giving her a piece of gum. But she never said goodbye to Ben. Devi couldn’t—it felt too real. Like the move would be permanent if she did. </p><p>“Tell her he's sorry too,” Ben says, looking down at his hands folded on the table. “For not saying hello as much as he should’ve when she left.”</p><p>Devi nods, releasing a breath she’d been keeping inside for a long time.  </p><p>“Have anything else to say to the girl that you knew?” Devi asks.  </p><p>“No, I don’t think so.” Ben then raises his head, and his lips tilt up as he holds out his hand. “But it’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>She shakes his hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”</p><p>Their hands stay entwined, and Devi can’t help but notice how well they fit together. She thinks about what Rebecca said about people being right for one another when they click. Devi feels that this game of pretending, helped them stop playing pretend with one another, finally accepting that one of them was a key and the other a lock. She could practically hear the click of the key opening the lock as his grip on her hand tightened, and as she let her fingers roam across his knuckles. </p><p>Devi and Ben flinch apart when they hear a knock on the door. They expect to see some trick or treater stragglers on the other side when they open the door. But instead, it’s Paxton, wearing a monk outfit like Jason, except his Janet is noticeably not with him. </p><p>“Devi, the gym is crazy, Macy had to leave because her sister had an allergic reaction to candy with peanuts in it,” Paxton says, panting as if he’d been running. “Do you want to be door partners after all?”</p><p>Ben stiffens. “What do you mean 'after all'?”</p><p>She turns to Ben, biting her lip. “Before I asked you, I kind of asked Paxton.”</p><p>“Oh, so I wasn’t your first choice as a partner,” Ben realizes, his jaw clenching. “You settled for me.”</p><p>Devi shakes her head. “No, that’s not it.” </p><p>When she reaches over to touch him, he flinches back, and she feels her stomach lurch. </p><p>“It’s fine. Go help Paxton,” Ben says, his smile thin and making her queasy. “I think most kids sugar crash before they make it up here because it’s not as busy.”</p><p>“Thanks, man,” Paxton grins, clearly not picking up on what’s happening. He grabs Devi’s arm. “Let’s go.”</p><p>Devi’s mouth opens and closes like a fish, looking back at Ben as Paxton pulls her away. But she doesn’t see anything, because he already closed the door. </p><p>Paxton hadn’t been lying. The gym is crowded with kids when she gets there. There was candy everywhere, kids crawling on the bleachers and parents trying to stop them from getting into the gym equipment. Devi came up with an idea to get out the volleyball net, putting a barricade between them and the tricker treaters, which helped everything go smoothly. </p><p>As soon as the last kid walked out the door, she quickly wished Paxton goodbye and ran upstairs. She could feel herself starting to sweat underneath her blazer, but she didn’t care. </p><p>Once she makes it to the classroom, she sighs in relief. She sees Ben sitting on top of the teacher’s desk, eating leftover candy from the pumpkin basket. </p><p>“Hey, want some candy corn?” Ben asks, holding out the basket. “I tried to pawn it off on some middle schoolers, but they started to call out my deepest insecurities until I gave them the rest of the Snickers.”</p><p>Devi sat next to Ben on the desk, her feet dangling in front of her. </p><p>“I did ask Paxton first.”</p><p>Ben sighs, looking away. “Devi—.” </p><p>“I did ask Paxton first. But when he said no, I was oddly relieved,” she continues. “I realized how stressful it would have been the whole night, trying to get him noticed me. I asked you afterward because I know being partners with you would be more fun.”</p><p>Ben meets her stare, his shoulders relaxing.</p><p>“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Ben apologizes, fidgeting with his jacket's lapels. “I always feel like I’m no one’s first pick. When you chose me, I felt like I was finally for once. I guess I was just a little disappointed.”</p><p>“You deserve to be someone’s first pick, Ben,” Devi says firmly. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you don’t.”</p><p>“What about when you didn’t choose me to be on your dodgeball team in second grade?” Ben asks with a lopsided grin forming on his face. </p><p>“I still stand by that. Your aim is terrible.”</p><p>Ben pulls out a wrapper and aims it towards the trash can, but it floats two inches in the air before dropping pitifully. Not too soon after, they both start laughing. Devi leans closer to him, her head falling on his shoulder as if it belongs there. </p><p>“I wish we would’ve formed our truce sooner,” Ben admits. “If we had, we could’ve spent more years being friends.”</p><p>Devi loops her arm through his. “Well, we still have plenty of time.” </p><p>She feels Ben’s head drift downwards, resting on top of hers. “Yeah, we still do.”</p><hr/><p>It’s a few weeks into November when they’re pulling books out of their lockers when Devi turns to Ben.</p><p>“Can I move in with you?”</p><p>Ben blinks. “I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.”</p><p>“My mom is going to this conference for a week, and she doesn’t want me in the house alone. Kamala and Prashant or doing this birthing class thing. Eleanor’s house is getting fumigated, and Fabiola has her family over for a reunion,” Devi explains, closing her locker. “Can I crash in the Doobie room for a while?</p><p>“Of course,” Ben says. “But, it’s not the Doobie room anymore.”</p><p>“Than what is it?”</p><p>Later that same day, Devi wonders why she even had to ask that question, she should’ve known.</p><p>“Oh, my god,” Devi says as she gaps at the transformed room. “There's so much Andy Samberg.”</p><p>Ben crosses his arms, leaning against the doorframe. “It’s all I’ve collected over the years. I didn’t want the Doobie Brother’s here anymore so...this happened.”</p><p>“And your dad let you?”</p><p>Ben grimaces. “He doesn’t know, he never even goes in here.”</p><p>Devi marvels at all the posters, with every Andy Samberg project imaginable. Tickets to movies and concerts also hang on the walls, and she imagines Ben putting them up proudly as a way to show off that he is not a fake fan, enjoying his lesser-known projects as well.</p><p>“I love and hate it.” She gets into the bed and relaxes inside the covers. “This bed is as comfortable as I remember.”</p><p>Ben looks amused, watching her nestle into the bed. “Well, let me know if you need anything.”</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>He turns around. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Thanks,” she smiles.</p><p>“Goodnight David, get your beauty rest, you need it.” Devi chucks a pillow at him, and it hits him square in the face. “Ow! Be careful with those. They’re pillows from Justin Timberlake’s house that my dad snuck out. They’re filled with feathers from his geese farm.”</p><p>“There is no way Timberlake has a geese farm,” Devi scoffs.</p><p>“I’ll show you pictures in the morning,” he says, turning off the bedroom light. “Count geese instead of sheep to fall asleep.”</p><p>“Leave before I throw another celebrities pillow at you.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t want any harm coming to the pillow next to you. It’s a gift from a well-known Chris.”</p><p>She sits up straight in the bed, grabbing the pillow. “Evans? Pine? Pratt? Hemsworth?’</p><p>“Goodnight, David.”</p><p>“You’re evil,” she mumbles as she lays back down. “I’ll be thinking about each Chris all night long.”</p><p>“That’s what you get when you throw a pillow at me,” Ben says as he closes the door.</p><p>Surprisingly, she doesn't think of any of the Chris's. Instead, the face with a bright smile with even brighter eyes that she'd just seen a few minutes prior drifts into her mind as she falls asleep.  </p><hr/><p>On Friday, they’re sitting in the cinema room. Ben’s working on his math homework while Devi tries to do her AP Government paper about China’s legal system when she gets an idea.</p><p>“You should throw a party,” Devi says to Ben.</p><p>“I’d much rather be doing what we’re doing now, doing homework, eating popcorn, and watching <em>Another Cinderella Story</em> for some unknown reason.”</p><p>“We’re watching it because it’s strangely amazing,” Devi defends, setting aside her notebook and eating more popcorn. “Don’t deny it.”</p><p>Instead of refuting her, he exhales and puts down his pencil. “Why should I have a party?”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be like one of those rager parties, or a huge one like you threw for your birthday. It would be just for a few close friends,” Devi says. “You can invite people over, have food and drinks, and play some games. It'll be like a house warming party.”</p><p>“It can’t be a house warming because I’ve lived here my entire life.”</p><p>“But you’re the only one here most of the time, and it doesn’t feel like home to you. You need to seize the space and make memories.” Ben’s face is unyielding, making her groan. “Come on, Gross, you know I’m going to get you to say yes anyway.”</p><p>“No, you’re not,” Ben says, crossing his arms and turning towards the screen. “It’s not like you have this magical sway over me.”</p><p>Devi bats her eyes, and his gaze flickers between her and the screen. Ben grounds his jaw, trying to resist Devi’s pleading look. But eventually, his shoulders slug in defeat.</p><p>“Dammit, fine,” he groans. “I guess we better start planning.”</p><p>“Awesome!” Devi cheers. “I’ll start creating a playlist because I can’t trust you with the music.”</p><p>“Because it’s my party, shouldn’t it be my music?”</p><p>“Not if you want people to stay,” she retorts.</p><p>Their study movie session quickly evolves into a popcorn fight, throwing kernels at each other with the song ‘New Classic’ playing in the background.</p><hr/><p>“This is so unfair,” Oliver grumbles as Devi takes her seat next to Ben and gives him a high five. “You guys shouldn’t be able to team up.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re too powerful,” Eve agrees. “No one is supposed to be that good at charades. You’re supposed to go up there and look stupid.”</p><p>“We can’t help it if we’re awesome,” Devi says, waving their points card in everyone’s faces. </p><p>“Yeah, we can’t help it,” Ben agrees. “It’s in our blood.”</p><p>“And together, our blood is super blood. It could make skinny Steve Rogers into buff Captain America.” </p><p>“Guys, putting them together is better than putting them on opposite teams,” Fabiola reasons, gathering all of the slips of papers with charade prompts back into the glass bowl. “No one needs to see that.”</p><p>“That’s true,” Eleanor says. “In the 7th grade, we were doing a bingo game, and they both ended up standing on tables and throwing bingo chips everywhere by the end of it.”</p><p>“That’s because she was cheating!” </p><p>“Using the free space isn’t cheating!” </p><p>“No, but elbowing all the chips off my sheet was.”</p><p>“Alright, I see what you guys mean,” Oliver shudders, looking at them in fear. “Keep them on the same team.”</p><p>“No, we can go against each other,” Devi insists. “We’re adults now.”</p><p>Ben nods. “We’ve grown since then. We can be mature and just have fun.” </p><p>“Ok then, let’s play the two truths and a lie game,” Eve says. </p><p>She stands up, going over to the other end of the living room and pulling out the plastic container she brought. When they told everyone about the party, everyone had to come up with a game night idea. </p><p>Oliver was the one who suggested charades because the stress got to him, not being able to think of something more creative. Eleanor brought over a bunch of costumes from the drama department closet, and they played clue dressed up as the different characters. Fabiola brought over a bunch of different bags and some blindfolds, making them guess what was inside. It leads to a lot of screeching when someone felt something slimy, even though, in reality, it was just slime. </p><p>Eve pulled out the water guns from the bin and began pouring water into them from the plastic water bottles she brought.</p><p>“You two are up first,” Eve says, handing them each a squirt gun. “If you guess the wrong fact as the lie, you get sprayed with water.”</p><p>“Oh, this is a great way to prove we’re adults now, getting in water gun fights,” Ben says sarcastically. </p><p>Devi grips the gun in her hands, aiming it readily at Ben. </p><p>“Alright, three things,” Ben thinks, looking at the gun she’s holding with slight worry. “I can only go to sleep with the sound of a fan. I can’t stand the smell of fish. And I once wrote my initials on a textbook and felt so guilty I told the librarian.”</p><p>“The lie is the first one,” Devi claims after a few seconds. “You go to sleep with the sound of the ocean, not a fan.”</p><p>Ben frowns. “Dammit, you’re right.”</p><p>“How’d you know that?” Oliver asks Devi. </p><p>“It’s not weird,” Devi squirms on the couch. “I saw his noise machine when I went into his room.” </p><p>Everyone shares a look. But before someone can ask more questions that Devi doesn’t want to answer, she clears her throat. </p><p>“Ok, my turn,” Devi says, arching her brow at Ben, who’s sitting across from her. “Scared Gross? </p><p>He smiles slyly. “You wish.”</p><p>“I’ve been to three Jonas brother’s concerts. I once ran into Kristen Bell at the mall. And I have broken no bones.”  </p><p>“The last ones false,” he answers almost immediately. “In second grade, you fell off the monkey bars and broke your arm.”</p><p>“Shit,” Devi says, lowering the water gun. “I thought you were absent that week.” </p><p>“I was, but the teacher made people switch off on writing down your answers for classwork, and I had to do it the first day I got back.” </p><p>“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Devi nods. “We fought over the right answers, and you stuck my pencil in my cast.”</p><p>Ben winces. “I felt bad about that.”  </p><p>“It’s all good,” Devi waves him off. “You got me a new one.”</p><p>"That's right, I got you that pencil from the book fair you wouldn't shut up about." </p><p>"I still have it, it has a green rubber dragon on the end of it and its tongue acts as an eraser." </p><p>“Wow, you guys really know each other, huh?” Eve says, eyeing them with intrigue. </p><p>“Well, everyone in here knows everyone pretty well,” Devi says, gesturing to everybody in the room. “We all grew up together.”</p><p>Eleanor narrows her eyes at them. “Yeah, but you guys remember weird specifics.” </p><p>“How about you guys go deeper,” Fabiola suggests. “List truths the other wouldn’t know. Otherwise, it’ll be your turn the whole night.”</p><p>Ben and Devi turn towards each other, seeming to agree with one look. </p><p>“Once, I walked into my father’s office, and he didn’t notice that I was there for an hour. In my yearbook, you wrote something, and I tore it out, and I’ve kept it in my wallet ever since,” Ben says second, a blush creeping onto his face. The squirt gun in Devi’s hand trembles a little at his confession. Ben takes a deep breath and pushes forward. “And when you asked me to move into my house sophomore year, that’s when I broke up with Shira.”</p><p>Devi swallows, beginning to frown. “I want to believe the first one is a lie.” </p><p>“It’s not, it was the last one,” he says regrettably. “I broke it off with Shira right after you left my birthday party.” The air between them turns heavy, and he raises the squirt gun in his hand slowly. “It feels a little weird to do this, but…” </p><p>Ben pushes on the trigger, dowsing her with water. Despite everything, Devi laughs, her hands going up in defense. Once he’s out of water, she fans her shirt in an attempt to dry it off. Once she’s done, Devi picks back up the water gun and points it challengingly towards Ben. </p><p>“I kept my dad’s aftershave and used it cause the smell reminds me of him. In middle school, I was the one who requested that SNL song at the dance, because you looked sad the entire time, and I knew you’d be all happy when it came on.” </p><p>Ben laughs in surprise, but as she thinks of her next truth, her lips turn down. </p><p>“And the day I was leaving, I showed up at your house and walked up to your door to say goodbye, but I couldn’t do it. I ran off,” she confesses. </p><p>He appears to be struggling, trying not to look hopeful. “The last one is the lie?” </p><p>“No,” Devi says, spraying him in his chest. “It was my dad’s shampoo, not aftershave.”</p><p>The room falls silent as the water runs out. Devi puts down the water gun, and stands up, feeling a need to get away from everyone’s pitying eyes and Ben’s shock.</p><p>Devi mumbles something about getting a drink down from the basement and runs away.</p><hr/><p>Devi’s sitting in Ben’s basement, with an opened soda can in her hands. She’s trying to steady her breathing. She thought that outbursts like this about her father wouldn’t happen anymore. But she guesses his death was a wound that would never quite heal. </p><p>She’s down there for a few minutes when she begins to hear footsteps walking down the stairs. </p><p>“Usually, people don’t spend parties that were their ideas in the basement.”</p><p>“Are you kidding?” she asks Ben. “The most memorable things that happen at parties take place in basements.”</p><p>He sits on the floor next to her. “So, what’s been memorable so far down here?”</p><p>“Well, from staring at that movie poster on the wall, I finally realized that Brand from <em>The Goonies</em> plays Thanos. Now, I’ll always associate this party and this basement with that knowledge.” </p><p>“If Thanos would’ve been wearing a bandana and shorts on-top of sweatpants, he probably would’ve been a little less threatening in the Avengers films,” Ben jokes. </p><p>Devi strums her fingers against the soda can thoughtfully, a beat of silence passing before speaking. </p><p>“Why do you carry my yearbook note to you around with you?” she asks. </p><p>Ben takes a deep breath, his hands going into his wallet. He pushes aside his library card, uncovering a torn piece of paper. After looking at it for a moment, he holds it out to her. </p><p>She puts the soda can down, taking the paper. </p><p>“Dear Ben Gross, you and I both know that this year has been really weird,” she begins to read, trying hard to make her voice sound even. “But, the weirdest part was not becoming friends with you. You’ve always been, and always will be, a forever always. Signed, Devi.”</p><p>“You used the word always three times. It’s pretty redundant. You should invest in a thesaurus, or at least the app version.” </p><p>“Do you carry this around so you can hold one time I used bad grammar over my head?” she asks in amusement. </p><p>“No, I kept reading it to try and figure out what it meant. When I was waiting in a line somewhere, or there was a break in class, I’d pull it out. It was comforting because it reminded me of you, but it was also frustrating.” Ben says, eyeing the piece of paper in her hands, his eyebrows drawing together. “What did you mean by saying I’m a ‘forever always’?”</p><p>Devi stares at the note, looking at her own words in blue ink. She remembers when they swapped notebooks during their last history class at the end of sophomore year. Devi had turned away from him, putting it in her lap so no one could see what she was writing. She was never one to write sentimental things in people’s yearbooks, always going for something more ironic or putting down an inside joke. But when she signed his yearbook, she let her pen guide itself, writing what she wanted him to know, but couldn’t say to his face. </p><p>“It means that you’ve always played a part in my life. An arch-nemesis, a friend, a person to challenge and calm me down when I need it,” Devi explains. “You’re a ‘forever always’ to me. Forever there and always significant, in one way or another.”</p><p>Ben looks taken aback by her words, his lips parting in surprise. Devi adverts her eyes, handing him back the paper.</p><p>A few seconds of silence pass before Ben breaks it. “Why didn’t you say goodbye?” </p><p>Devi stiffens. “I couldn’t.”</p><p>“Yes, you could’ve,” Ben urges. “You said you were at my door. All you had to do was knock, say one word, and then leave.”</p><p>“What word was I supposed to say?” Devi asks with a new edge to her voice. </p><p>“Goodbye. Auf Wiedersehen. Arrivederci. Adios. Zàijiàn—.” </p><p>“You don’t get it,” Devi snaps at him. “It was hard enough saying goodbye to everyone I loved. It would’ve been too hard saying goodbye to someone who—something that was...” </p><p>Devi hears McEnroe suggest words like beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, and life-changing. All of those words describe this thing that she and Ben have. But all those things were too much to say goodbye to, so she hadn’t said goodbye at all.</p><p>“Where do you go when you do that?” Ben asks, studying her with a softer look than before. </p><p>Devi blinks, snapping out of her thoughts. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You stare thoughtfully into the distance sometimes.”</p><p>She crosses her arms. “That’s because I’m a thoughtful person.”</p><p>His gaze only strengthens on her. “It’s more than that.”</p><p>He doesn’t state it like a question, he knows it’s more, and Devi hates him a little for knowing her so well. </p><p>“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh.”</p><p>Ben holds up three fingers in promise, and Devi scoffs.</p><p>“A scout’s honor means nothing to me.” </p><p>“What do you suggest then?”</p><p>Devi holds her pinky out. </p><p>“How did I not think of a pinky promise? That’s the most serious way of promising something,” Ben says, rolling his eyes. </p><p>Devi smiles wryly. “It’s ok. I’m used to you being one step behind me.”</p><p>Ben looks exasperated but holds out his pinky anyway. Devi interlocks it with hers, giving it a gentle shake before letting it go. </p><p>“Sometimes when I need to process something or make sense of things, I imagine John McEnroe narrating my life,” she mutters quietly.</p><p>“Who’s that?” </p><p>Devi’s mouth falls open. “You’re joking.” </p><p>When his confusion doesn’t waver, Devi throws her hands in the air. </p><p>“You don’t know who John McEnroe is? I’d have rather you laughed in my face then not know him,” Devi says. “He’s a world-renowned tennis player. He was the number one singles player in 1980, and he was famous for throwing tantrums and telling off the umpires.” </p><p>“That’s why you idolize him?” </p><p>“My dad and I both did. He always said he admired his strength to speak his mind and how he did everything with so much passion that it had to burst out of him on the court.”</p><p>Ben looks at her knowingly with a small smile. “That sounds like someone else I know."</p><p>Devi finds herself mirroring his smile. </p><p>“I get it, by the way,” Ben adds. </p><p>“You do?” </p><p>“Yeah, I do something similar,” he admits, which makes it his turn to look embarrassed. “Except, it’s Andy Samberg that’s in my head sometimes.”</p><p>“Why Andy Samberg?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I’m not really like him. But I admire him and the characters he plays,” he says with a shrug. “He acts like a conscience, trying to remind me to be more lighthearted and go after the things I want, like…”</p><p>As his words drift, Devi’s notices that his shirt is still wet from the water she sprayed him with, making it cling to him, showing the outline of his muscles. She looks at it, feeling her breath hitch.</p><p>“Like?” she whispers. </p><p>Ben swallows, Devi can see him working hard to put words together. He fails to speak as his eyes flicker down to her mouth.</p><p>She begins to move towards him. It feels like she’s on the incline of a roller coaster. Like she’s getting pulled up and up, waiting in anticipation for that inevitable drop. </p><p>While the decline is the exhilarating part, the climb towards the peak is just as exciting. The gradual incline makes everything around you go fuzzy, and it sends goosebumps across your skin. </p><p>“Like,” Ben says again, but the word loses its previous meaning. Instead, it sounds like some sort of confession. </p><p>The lamp on the table beside him illuminates half of Ben’s face, highlighting the cut of his jaw. Devi feels her hand go up on its own accord. It lands, and his hand starts to curl around one side of her waist. She feels like she’s at the highest point of the coaster.</p><p>Devi takes one last inhale of breath, ready to take the plunge as her lips inch forward.</p><p>They halt at the top of the track when the creaking of the basement door opening interrupts them. </p><p>“Guys, I found the green cards for Apples to Apples, so we can—.” Oliver stops, his eyes wide as he watches Ben and Devi flinch away from each other. He takes a cautious step backward. “Actually, I just remembered, I’m color blind. I’m going to go double-check with Eleanor that these are green.”</p><p>He quickly runs up the stairs and almost tripping on a step on his way out of the basement. </p><p>Ben clears his throat after a few beats of silence, gesturing towards where Oliver left. “I guess we should go back upstairs.” </p><p>Devi nods, her head feeling heavy. “Yeah, probably.”</p><p>But neither of them moves. They stay there, staring at each other, sitting on the hardwood floor. Devi wonders if they could stay here forever, not let anything happening above them keep them apart. But Devi knows nothing that lays beyond the stairs is stopping them. Her fear does that on its own. </p><p>It’s her fear that makes her be the first to stand up from the floor. </p><p>Devi holds out her hand to him. Ben looks at it like it’s a small pearl that could slip easily from his hands. He grabs it tentatively, letting Devi pull him up off the ground. They don’t say anything, but they hold hands until they make it to the top of the stairs. </p><p>The rest of the night, Devi has this tight feeling in her stomach every time she looks at Ben. Devi has never felt this ache to be close to someone before, like everything inside her is telling her to be near him.</p><p>She’s reminded of when she stood in front of his house door. The blood thumped in her hands, telling her to knock even when her cowardly brain sent her body signals to run back into the car, where her mom had waited with a disappointed frown.</p><hr/><p>Devi paces back and forth in Dr. Ryan’s office about a week later after she moves back home, recapping the events that occurred since their last session.</p><p>“I don’t know how this happened.”</p><p>Dr. Ryan sits calmly in her chair. “How what happened?”</p><p>“I had a crush on Paxton forever. But then there are these moments with Ben, that make me think I was chasing the wrong guy. But then Paxton finally likes me back, and we start dating. But then I don’t feel like I’m supposed to feel, and we break up. I move to India, and then I jump at the chance to come home at the slim chance we could get back together. But now he’s dating someone else, and I start having feelings for Ben again,” Devi rants, feeling her headache becoming worse and worse. “There’s no clear plotline in my life. Everything that’s happened to me would make the worst movie!”</p><p>“You’re right, it would, because life isn’t a movie,” Dr. Ryan states plainly. “It doesn’t make narrative sense.”</p><p>“If someone saw a movie about my life, they’d be so confused. It’s just a bunch of random crap strung together. My life would get a rotten tomato score.”</p><p>Devi stops pacing, after a while, slumping back onto the couch.</p><p>“I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore,” Devi says.</p><p>“Why do you say 'supposed to'?” Dr. Ryan asks. “Is there some life manual that guides you through every step of your life that I don’t know about?”</p><p>Devi rubs her forehead. “No. But if you find one, I’d like to read it. Then I’d finally have a shot at being normal.”</p><p>“Normal is an illusion. In reality, everyone is multifaceted. Life is just as complex as the people in it,” Dr. Ryan says. “Maybe you should stop thinking about what you think you’re supposed to do and be free yourself to live your life knowing you can’t control everything in it.”</p><p>“Is it bad to try and make sure good things happen in my life?” Devi asks.</p><p>“No, but you’ll miss out on the unexpected that way.”</p><p>Devi feels her eyes begin to sting. “There’s been a lot of bad things that happen that are unexpected.”</p><p>“True, but the greatest things can also be unexpected,” Dr. Ryan says, smiling kindly. “Not allowing any unexpected in your life can lead to a lot of regrets.”</p><p>Devi knows that all too well, which is why she stuffs her head into the cushion with a groan. </p><hr/><p>It's a week into December. Devi’s in her living room, strumming on her harp. She’s not playing any song in particular, just letting her fingers move against the strings.</p><p>Devi had finished practicing her solo for the winter orchestra twenty minutes ago. She loves the feeling of playing her instrument and how the music could free her from her busy thoughts and mind. The notes soothe her, washing away the frustration of the day. </p><p>Ben lays on the couch, reading a book for English class. They decided to do the two things they’d been avoiding done in one sitting. He claimed that her playing would help him concentrate on the book, and Devi thought that she wouldn’t sit down to play unless someone was their physically to make sure she did it. </p><p>After her fingers grow tired, she looks over to the couch, seeing that Ben has fallen asleep. One hand is stuck inside the book on his lap, while the other curls underneath the pillow. He has a blissful look on his face, looking completely relaxed, and one corner of his lips tilting up ever so slightly, making her think that he must be dreaming. </p><p>Devi should want to play a prank on him. Play loud music, jump on the bed, or draw on his face to stir him from sleeping. But instead, she finds herself taken aback. She’s no painter, but if she had the artistic ability, she’d want to paint him like this. Free of worry, laying his head on the pillow that she hugged when she was stressed. His hair is also beautifully ruffled, and his breathing in and out creates a melody Devi wished she could express on her harp. </p><p>Devi gets off the stool, walking over to the couch. She carefully fits into the free space, as Ben's legs splayed out on the other cushion.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>He stirs a little at her voice. She touches his hand on the couch, gently poking it.</p><p>Ben begins to wake fully, the curtain of his eyes open, letting her see the ocean side view that exists in his eyes.  </p><p>He sits up, still looking a little dazed. </p><p>“Hmmm?” he voices. </p><p>She inches forward. “Can you close your eyes?” </p><p>He rubs his palm over his eyes with an amused huff. “My eyes were already closed before you woke me up.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just really need to do something now, or I’ll regret it.” She feels her heart thumping in her chest, telling her not to let another moment slip past where she doesn’t do what she's wanted to do for so long. “I’m tired of regretting things.”</p><p>Ben steadies his gaze on her, looking suddenly more awake than before. A couple of long seconds pass before he obeys, closing his eyes. </p><p>Before she loses the courage, she places a hand on his cheek and pulls him towards her. </p><p>His lips are so soft, that’s the first thing that Devi notices as Ben begins to kiss her back. The lightness of it that’s somehow filled with so much fervency at the same time makes her head spin a little. </p><p>After a couple more seconds pass, Devi pulls back. His eyes open, and Devi’s hand is floating in the air, near the cheek she’d just been cradling. </p><p>As he stares at her, she starts to feel a sense of panic. What if he didn’t want this too? What if she misread things? She should retract her hand, but she finds that it’s frozen in place. </p><p>Before she can second guess herself anymore, Ben’s smiling and is leaning forward. Devi only feels thankful for a sliver of a moment, because when he kisses her again, she can only feel his lips on hers. </p><p>The kiss is even better than the first. Devi gets lost in him, her hands on his neck while he cups her cheeks. It’s like they finally reached that drop on the roller coaster. As the speed quickens on the track, everything around her but Ben blurs.</p><p>Devi wishes she would’ve never answered the phone in Malibu. She wishes that she would've leaned over and kissed him like she planned to. That would’ve meant that she could’ve been doing this with him all this time. </p><p>He begins to tease her lower lip, and she tugs him closer by the collar. She parts her lips, deepening the kiss.</p><p>From then on, the kiss resembles the feeling of when she had a hot chocolate float once during the winter. The ice cream brings a sweet taste to the drink, but the rich chocolate liquid brings a new depth of flavor, ardent to impact her taste buds. </p><p>After about—who is Devi kidding, she doesn’t know how long. It’s not like she was keeping track of time. But, let’s say after a while, Ben pulls away. </p><p>When Devi braves opening her eyes, she sees Ben intently studying her. While she loves how blue his eyes are, his pupils dilated that take up most of the space don’t detract from their beauty. Instead, the resolve and slight madness in them takes her breath away. </p><p>“Do you know how much you mean to me?” Ben asks softly. </p><p>Devi runs her hand back and forth, where the collar of his shirt meets the first button. “I have an idea if it’s anything like what you mean to me.” </p><p>Ben rests his forehead against hers, taking a few breaths in and out. Devi sits comfortably in the quiet. Ben's thumb subtly moves on her cheek, and her foot taps lightly on top of his. It creates a rhythm that courses through her. </p><p>“You’re my forever always too,” he murmurs. </p><p>Devi doesn’t know how to respond to that, but Ben doesn’t expect her to. That makes that nervous feeling she gets when she feels too much drift away. </p><p>Instead, Devi feels like she’s shining. The light from the television feels ultraviolet as Ben gives her a brief smile before tipping up her chin gently with his hands, and kissing her again.</p><p>She only manages to formulate one thought over and over as they kiss. Well, more like she gets McEnroe to narrate it. </p><p>“<em>Oh my god</em>,” McEnroe voices in her head. “<em>I think you love him</em>.”</p><hr/><p>Those next two weeks, she forgets about Paxton, forgets about the things that brought her back home. That empty pit is still there, but it doesn’t ache as much when she’s around Ben. While Dr. Ryan claimed that life isn’t cinematic, she feels the days after Ben’s kiss happen like they’re in a love montage in a romantic comedy.</p><p>They go on dates to the actual movie theatre instead of the room at Ben’s house. They play footsie has they work in the library and get yelled at by their friends when one of them accidentally hits the wrong target. They pull the other aside in the halls to steal a kiss that sears into her mind when she goes to her next class.</p><p>Their debates in class are the same, yet they find themselves smiling like idiots after every insult. They take up one another’s challenges not to pummel the other in the ground, but to feel proud when the other does something well or find the firelight that burns in their eyes when they answer a question to be enchanting.</p><p>Devi should’ve known it all was going too well. After all, this is still her life; it’s not going to run smoothly for long.</p><p>They’re working on their separate homework in the library. The library’s pretty full because the end of the semester finals is coming up, causing many students to cram last minute. Even Paxton and Macy are a few tables down, quizzing each other with flashcards. While Devi and Ben studied for these tests for the past month, they figured it was best to stay sharp.</p><p>“Ugh, why should we care what the Russian government is up too,” Devi groans, snapping her textbook closed.</p><p>Ben puts a pencil behind his ear, taking his eyes off his study guide. “Maybe because the Russian government has been not-so-secretly influencing our government.”</p><p>“But what does Mr. Shapiro want us to do about it? Become American spies to get revenge, infiltrate Russia and get them to end up with a dictator they don’t want? I think that ship has sailed.”</p><p>“I bet he’d give us extra credit if we did,” Ben says. “Plus, you know he’d brag on twitter about his students getting involved in foreign espionage when they get arrested. I think that’s his dream.”</p><p>Devi leans back in her chair. “Suddenly, everything about him is becoming clearer to me.”</p><p>Ben laughs, grabbing his pencil, and continuing to answer the questions on the second study guide he printed out. Devi lets her eyes drift to Ben’s computer, seeing a tab open about a vacation at a place called Sunlake.</p><p>“What’s that?” she asks, pointing to his screen.</p><p>He looks at what she’s referencing and immediately looks back down at his notebook. “Nothing.”</p><p>She loops her hand through his arm, pulling him close. “Come on, Ben, I know when you’re lying. Your eyes become like saucers, and your nose starts twitching like a bunny.”  </p><p>He reluctantly moves his hands to the laptop. Ben then clicks on the tab and begins to scroll through the page. Devi looks it over, learning that it’s a page about a place in Oregon where you can rent a cabin and stay in the town. There are biking trails, rafts to rent, and a town center with shopping and a bunch of different activities.</p><p>“Are you planning a vacation?” she asks.</p><p>He sighs. “My parents told me I could pick a place to go during the holiday break."</p><p>“Isn’t this a good thing? You’re telling me this as if you just got a death sentence.”</p><p>“Whenever we plan to go somewhere as a family, it usually ends up getting canceled. Or they send Patty or some poor assistant with me,” he says, his jaw clenching. "When I was ten, and in Italy, I got close to Dad's intern Maya. She was nice, but spent the whole time working on her thesis paper and taking pictures of gelato."</p><p>Devi nods in understanding. “So, you’re planning something, but don’t want to get your hopes up if it doesn’t happen."</p><p>Ben nods. “And this place is different than the other places we visit. It’s less extravagant. It would force us to spend time with each other. Which now that I’m thinking about it, it might not be a good thing. If I choose this place, it’ll probably result in a lot of awkward silences.”</p><p>Devi rubs her hands up and down his arm, wishing she could smack his parents so they'd realize what a wonderful son they have. She’s looking at a picture of a couple riding a tandem bike when she gets an idea.</p><p>“What if you had a buffer?” she asks. </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You should have someone else come with you,” Devi suggests. “Someone good at filling awkward silences with her own awkwardness.”</p><p>Ben’s face transforms into awe. “You’d come with me?”</p><p>“Yeah. I mean, I’d have to convince my mom, but I’d go if somehow she changes into a different person overnight and says yes.”</p><p>Ben leans over, kissing her deeply. It throws her off for a second, but she quickly responds, her hands going up to his cheeks.</p><p>He pulls back, resting his forehead on hers. “Thanks.”</p><p>Devi smiles, pecking him quickly on the lips before turning back to her textbook.</p><p>They study for twenty more minutes, before Devi’s stomach begins to growl. When she left to get a snack from the vending machine, she left her laptop open. When she returned with a bag of chips in her hand, she froze as she saw Ben and Paxton staring at something on her computer. She approaches them cautiously.</p><p>“Uh, what’s up, guys?” she asks nervously.</p><p>Ben turned the laptop around, showing her the screen. Devi sees that her emails popped up on the screen—specifically, the email chain between her and the internship she contacted to do in Sherman Oaks this summer.</p><p>Devi drops her bag of chips. </p><p>“I thought you got offered the internship?” Ben asks.</p><p>Her eyes widen, feeling as if a spotlight is on her about to expose everything.</p><p>“I did,” she lies.</p><p>“No, right here, it says you contacted them, a day after we ran into each other,” Paxton speaks, pointing at the email.</p><p>“And then they offered me the internship!” she exclaims. “I don’t see what the confusion is.”</p><p>A few students to turn towards them, making her grimace.</p><p>“So, let me get this straight. After you talked to Paxton, you quit the other internship that you told everyone had ended. Then, you reached out to another internship but told everyone it got offered to you. And then you convinced your mom to move you back here?” Ben summarizes.</p><p>Paxton takes a step back, looking behind him towards Macy. “Um, I think I should go.”</p><p>She grabs his arm, making him stop in his tracks. “Look, all that stuff you said about California just reminded me how much I missed it. And I realized I wasn’t happy in India. Remember what I said about trying to fill that gaping hole inside me? That’s what I was doing. I saw you, and I thought that I could be happy again.”  </p><p>She looks back and forth between them, getting too wholly different looks. Paxton looks at her uncomfortably, but Ben’s face is so much worse.</p><p>He looks betrayed.</p><p>“I’m happy that you're chasing your happiness, Devi. But I should get back to studying,” Paxton says, walking backward a few paces. “See you later.”</p><p>For a few seconds, Ben and Devi stay at their table entirely still, as she’s afraid one movement will make everything tumble.</p><p>“You moved back here because of him, didn’t you?” he whispers.</p><p>"Not exactly,” she answers weakly.</p><p>Devi flinches as Ben stands up abruptly, and she sees his eyes glistening under the fluorescent lights of the library.</p><p>“You can’t lie to me. I know you, Devi, I’ve always known you.” Ben ducks his head, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Even when you didn’t want to know me.”</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“It means that we got a close sophomore year. I thought you were going to kiss me at the beach in the car,” Ben says. “But then your phone went off, and you ran away. Then, you drifted away from me when you started to date Paxton. You even kept that distance even after you broke up with him.”</p><p>Devi squirms. “I—I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>“That’s a first,” he mutters.</p><p>She steps forward, placing her hands on both of his arms. “Ben, I meant it when I said I wish I would’ve hung out more before I left. Things just got complicated—you were complicated. My life was already so complicated back then with my dad and the stuff with my mom.”</p><p>“What was so complicated about me that you had to push me away?”</p><p>Devi drops her hands, suddenly feeling burned from touching his skin. She looked around them, seeing a few heads turned towards them, and people whispering like they were watching a drama show play out in front of them.</p><p>“Can we not talk about this right now?” </p><p>“So, you don’t want to talk about us, but you do want to talk about Paxton,” Ben says, folding his arms across his chest. “That makes sense. It’s always about Paxton because you’re in love with him.”</p><p>“No, I’m not,” Devi insists, the claim and the hurt look on his face making her feel seasick.</p><p>“And you moved here for him.”</p><p>“It’s more complicated than that—.”</p><p>“Stop trying to deny it,” Ben voices, his voice cracking a little. He takes a deep breath, kneading the space between his eyes. “You’re smart enough to know what you were doing. The party, Halloween, and I saw when you went bowling when Paxton posted a picture of you two. I thought maybe I was just jealous. But you did all of that to get him back. Why won’t you just admit it?”</p><p>The words rush out before she can stop them. “Because if I say that, it means I’m crazy.”</p><p>“We’re all a little crazy, David. That doesn’t give you an excuse to lie to people.”</p><p>Ben begins shoving his schoolwork and notes into his backpack and rushes out of the room.</p><p>She runs after him, ignoring the librarian yelling about causing distractions as she passes the check-out desk.</p><p>“Wait, Ben,” she shouts after him as he walks down the hallway. “I don’t want Paxton. I want you. Nothing that’s happened between us has been about him.”  </p><p>He stops, turning around and studying her carefully. “Do you actually want me? Or do you only want me because Paxton is taken?”</p><p>“No, I mean it. I want to be with you,” Devi insists with a broken smile. “Even if we’re a mess.”</p><p>“I know our history is complicated,” Ben agrees, his hands fidgeting at his sides, but there’s a determination painted on his features. “But all of it doesn’t seem like a waste, I feel like every part matters.”</p><p>“Exactly, it all mattered,” Devi says, stepping towards him. “But it mattered because it was messy. Every up and down is part of what makes it...good.”</p><p>For a moment, he looks like he’s ready to set everything aside to give her a free pass. But then, his lips twitch down, and disappointment is flashing in his eyes.</p><p>“But there’s still thinks keeping you defining what that good thing is,” Ben points out.</p><p>At that moment, Devi feels like she’s out of her own body. She can’t move or speak. Devi wants to grab Ben and apologize. She wants to hug him and never let go. She wants to kiss him, explain everything she feels with her lips, and make him forget the last few minutes.</p><p>But instead, all she can say is his name like a plea. “Ben.”</p><p>“Look, I think I need to figure out if these past three months with you have just an illusion or what I’ve wanted for so long,” Ben says, smiling longingly. “I can’t tell you what you need to do. But what I think is that you came back not because of Paxton, not just for friends, not because of an internship, and not because of me. There’s some other reason you wanted to move back. I think you need to figure out why.”</p><p>Ben turns around, leaving Devi to watch helplessly as he walks away.</p><p>Devi’s hand goes to her wrist, touching the elastic band there. When she touches it, it sounds silly, but she thinks of Ben. She wears that hair tie all the time, so much, so that forgets it’s there. But even when she overlooks it, it’s always there for her, ready to help. Even when it’s not physically there, she can see its presence, because it leaves an imprint on her skin.</p><p>Even as Ben rounds the corner, she feels him with her, making her realize how much her heart has become imprinted by him.</p><hr/><p>Devi made her way back into the library after a while. Luckily, her stuff was all still there. She grabs it, avoiding everyone’s stares as she heads to the corner of the library.</p><p>She thinks about calling Fabiola or Eleanor but decides against it. Eleanor is super stressed out about rehearsals, and Fabiola is at a robotics competition tonight. As she sits on the floor, next to the classic section, she sees a pair of oxford shoes through the gaps of her fingers that are currently over her eyes.</p><p>“Are you ok?”</p><p>Devi raises her head to brush this person off, but she feels the words die on her lips when she sees it’s Macy.</p><p>Her lips tremble, but she forces her lips into a thin line as she nods.</p><p>Macy smiles, not pityingly, but with an earnest kind of care. She sits next to her, pushing aside a copy of <em>Wuthering Heights </em>on the ground.</p><p>“Last year, my sister was diagnosed with cancer,” Macy says suddenly. “She’s only twelve.”</p><p>Devi frowns. “Macy, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Her eyes look watery, but she shrugs. Devi recognizes a kindred look of sorrow in her eyes. Even though it stops by like an old friend, you don’t know how to explain it to other people when they ask.</p><p>“I spent last year switching from every club imaginable, trying to get my mind off of the fact she might not make it to the end of her first year of middle school,” Macy continues. “I joined chess club even though I had no idea how to play, cosplay club even though I can’t sew to save my life, and I even joined a fan club for waffles, which was great because who doesn’t like waffles?”</p><p>Devi chuckles, and Macy smiles along with her.</p><p>“Why are you telling me all this?” Devi asks. “You shouldn’t want to make me feel better. You should hate me. I’m assuming you overheard our too loud for a library conversation.”</p><p>“I did,” Macy says, her face looking exactly like the cringe emoji. “But I’m telling you this because of what I heard. I was trying to fill this spot in my life that would be left empty if my sister ever…you know. You said you just wanted to be happy, to fill a hole inside you. I tried to fill mine differently than you are, but I know from my experience that anything you do won’t replace what’s gone.”</p><p>“How do you move on?” Devi asks, feeling a tear escape down her cheek.</p><p>Macy places a hand on her shoulder. “There’s no one answer. But for me, I had to learn to love the good that came into my life, and let go of the things that had to leave.”</p><p>Somehow, she and Macy end up hugging. Paxton comes over, giving them a kind smile before telling Macy that he has to go to practice. Macy grabs his hand, doing a better job at seizing the good thing that Devi let slip through her fingers tonight.</p><hr/><p>She sees Ben in class during the last day before winter break. He doesn’t ignore her, but his looks and words to her are brief. A few years ago, she might have wanted their interactions to be like this, as short as possible. But now, she craves more. Not because she needs it, but because she wants it.</p><p>After her conversation with Macy, she found her way to Dr. Ryan’s office and spilled everything. Not just the surface, but getting into the real reasons for moving to India and moving back that she hadn’t told anyone yet.</p><p>Devi took the offer to move to India at the end of her sophomore year her father was everywhere she looked in LA. By the end of her sophomore year, she couldn't take seeing him at restaurants, street corners, and at her own house anymore.</p><p>But when she left, she didn’t escape the grief. When she stumbled into Paxton, she thought it was a sign. The night before had been the anniversary of her father’s death passed, and it hit her as hard as it did the first time. So, she thought maybe making it work with Paxton would finally help her move on. But of course, it didn’t. Even when she started falling in love for real the first time in her life, she couldn’t give her heart entirely to Ben, because a part of her was clutching it in fear of it getting hurt again.</p><p>Dr. Ryan talked to her about hyper fixation, how people try to avoid their feelings by focusing on something else in the hopes it will get them through whatever struggle they’re facing. However, the fiction they create ends up shattering eventually, exposing the truth behind the obsession.</p><p>She knew from now on, she had to continue to face her grief, insecurities, and fears head-on instead of hiding from them. Devi needed to stop running, stop searching for something she’ll never find. As Macy said, she has to learn to take the good that came and accept the good that left. Only then could Devi be happy.</p><p>After the opening night of Eleanor’s play, she was throwing a party to celebrate. Ben had been there in spirit, making Oliver live stream it for him while watching on the deck of the cabin he was at with his parents. They all applauded the actor’s and shouted Eleanor’s name when she took a bow at the end as the writer and director. Ben managed to get flowers delivered to the stage that he ordered weeks in advance. The rest of them gave her their pride by tackling her in a group hug after the show.</p><p>Devi’s currently in the living room, waiting for Fabiola to pick her up and take her to Eleanor’s after-party. Everyone went home after the play to change. Devi quickly threw on a silver dress that shimmers when it catches the light.</p><p>Around her neck, she’s wearing a necklace her father got her a year before he died. It was a single small pearl on a silver chain. He’d found it while scuba diving, and told Devi as he put it around her neck that catching a glimpse of it in the water was like seeing her for the first time when she was born, a beauty amongst the rough.</p><p>“You look nice,” Kamala says, who was in the kitchen cooking dinner even though she no longer lives here.</p><p>“Thanks,” Devi says, turning away from the mirror.</p><p>Kamala walks into the room, the smell of spices and seasoning coming with her.</p><p>“So, where’s Ben tonight?”</p><p>“I thought you'd be asking me where Paxton was. You’ve looked pretty disappointed ever since I spent Halloween with Ben.”</p><p>“I was a little, but then I realized that it’s never the guy you first fall for in teen dramas. It’s the guy that was under your nose the entire time.”</p><p>“He’s nowhere close to my nose or any part of me,” Devi sighs. “He’s in Oregon on vacation with his family. When he comes back, he’ll probably keep staying away from me. He figured out the truth.”</p><p>Kamala pats her shoulder. “Well, if he’s a good guy like I think he is, I’m sure he’ll come around.”</p><p>“If he doesn’t, I’ll be heartbroken,” Devi admits, her voice cracking. But then she takes a deep breath, and the smile that surfaces doesn’t feel fake. “But, if it happens, I think I’ll be ok.”  </p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Devi nods sincerely, feeling lighter than she’s felt in a long time. “A person isn’t the answer to someone’s happiness. Happiness comes accepting all parts of yourself, even the most painful parts. Only by facing who you are and what you’ve been through can you become a healthier person.”</p><p>Kamala’s eyebrows raise, looking impressed. “That was quite the monologue.”</p><p>Devi smiles. “Yeah, well, that’s what I get for hanging out with Eleanor."</p><hr/><p>She comes home early from the party, waving Fabiola, who dropped her off a goodbye as she enters the house. She tip-toes up the stairs but finds herself running into her mother going down them.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Her mother gasps, putting a hand to her chest. “I told you could stay out till midnight.”</p><p>“I know, but I was tired.”</p><p>Her mother nods and then continues to move down the stairs.</p><p>As she does, Devi has a memory of her mother and father walking down the stairs together.</p><p>“I miss dad,” Devi says suddenly.</p><p>Her mom turns. While Devi can’t see that much in the dark, she can tell she’s a bit thrown.</p><p>“I miss our life before. Ever since he died, I’ve kept chasing things that I thought would fix something that broke inside me. But nothing has worked,” Devi says, forcing the words out. “Not leaving, not living in India, not chasing Paxton, not even falling for Ben, which I have.”</p><p>Her mom walks up to Devi. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Sometimes, a part of you is always going to be broken.”</p><p>“I know that now, so now I can accept that, and pick up the broken pieces and put them back together to form something else.” Devi attempts to stand up straight, beaming a bit brokenly but feeling still warming her cheeks.  </p><p>Her mom cups her cheeks. “Have I ever told you how proud I am to have such a smart and wonderful daughter?”</p><p>“Yes,” Devi says, pulling her mom into a hug. “But it’s always nice to hear.”</p><hr/><p>The first day Ben gets back from his vacation, Devi’s at his door. She doesn’t make the same mistake as before. This time, Devi knocks. She ends up having to knock multiple times for the sound to carry through his house.</p><p>Ben opens the door after a minute passes, wearing jeans and a simple button-down shirt. His hair looks a little messy because it’s still early in the morning. But somehow, he looks better than she’s ever seen him. Because now, she knows what she feels and isn’t afraid.</p><p>“So, you were right,” Devi says. “I did decide to move back to Sherman Oaks because of Paxton.”</p><p>“I see,” Ben says. He lowers his hand holding open the door, stepping out, and joining her on the porch. “How’s that working out for you?”</p><p>“If I’m honest, not that great,” Devi says with a smirk. Ben looks like he’s holding back a smile, which gives her the courage to step closer to him. “But other things have been great.”</p><p>“Like what?” he asks cautiously.</p><p>“Like becoming closer to my mom, spending time with my friends in person again, getting to know Kamala better even though we lived in the same house for a year, and reconnecting with you.”</p><p>His calm demeanor cracks, his eyes widening. “With me?”</p><p>“Yes, dummy,” Devi says, pushing his shoulder playfully. “You’ve always been a great thing in my life. I mean, sometimes you’re a great pain in my ass, but you’re mostly just great.”</p><p>“I have to know something,” Ben says after a few seconds, turning more serious. “These past few months of being back, were you just biding time with me until the stars aligned and you and Paxton could get back together?”</p><p>“No, that’s not what I was doing. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was settling by hanging out with you instead of Paxton,” she apologizes. “The truth is, hanging out with you is so much better.”</p><p>Ben scans her, is face easing as he reads the honesty on her face and in her words. She’s amazed that even with months or weeks apart, he can still read her like one of his favorite books he picks off the shelf.</p><p>“Why didn’t you just tell me about Paxton?”</p><p>“Because I was in denial about the whole thing,” she answers. “Plus, I thought it would make things weird.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have made fun of you for it.” Devi narrows her eyes, and he holds his hands up. “Ok, I would’ve thrown in some comments here and there, but I would have understood. You’ve been crazy about that guy ever since I’ve known you.”</p><p>“Crazy.” Devi toys the word she’d been avoiding like the plague since moving back, but not finding it as truthful or scary as before. “I don’t think I’m crazy, but I think I still need to address a lot of underlying issues. I’ve been ignoring them by hyper fixating on Paxton.”</p><p>Ben smiles gently. “Been talking to Dr. Ryan again, huh?”</p><p>“She helped me see that I wasn’t happy in India, and that fact made me panic because it meant that wherever I run, I can't escape my grief. So I just jumped ship at the closest opportunity for happiness,” Devi begins to explain. “When I saw Paxton, that was an easy ship to board, a familiar one.”</p><p>He adverts his eyes, frowning. “I heard you guys figured things out at Eleanor’s party.”</p><p>Devi looks confused, so Ben pulls out his phone and gets up a twitter thread.</p><p>“Shapiro was there because Eleanor used some props from his classroom for the play. He has a thing for drama, so he was live-tweeting about the party,” Ben explains.</p><p>“Of course, he was,” Devi says, rolling her eyes. “Well, he probably saw us dancing, but not the after part.”</p><p>“It would’ve been disturbing if he watched the after part,” Ben mutters, making a disgusted face.</p><p>“Ugh Ben, that’s not what I meant,” she groans. “We danced as friends, not even reaching middle school level dancing, it was that platonic. Afterward, I wanted to clear the air, so I told him that I didn’t love him. I just loved the idea of him, I always have. Because I thought being loved by someone like him meant I’d finally be worthy enough to be happy. But I’m already worthy enough.”</p><p>“You are,” Ben starts to smile, quirking his head at her. “You didn’t know that already? Wow, and I thought you were smart.”</p><p>Devi smirks. “Glad to hear you admit it.”</p><p>“Hey, I didn’t say smarter than me,” he defends, but his façade melts as he meets her eyes. “But, you probably are.”</p><p>“You still think that after everything I just told you?”</p><p>“Yes. Because you're smart enough to do things about your life, even if they're sometimes wrong,” Ben says, giving a woeful shrug. “I don’t do anything.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Devi scoffs in disagreement. “You work hard to get good grades, and what you want in life, you’re nice to Patty and her grandkids, and you are there for people when they need you.”</p><p>“But I don’t do things I should in my own life,” he clarifies. “I never tell my parents when they upset me, I date people who don’t love me, and I don’t ask them to because I don’t think they will. And when you pushed me away after the beach, I should've gone after you." </p><p>Devi takes in a sharp breath. “Ben—.”</p><p>“I should’ve driven you home, I should’ve told you how I felt before Paxton did, or I should’ve told you how I still felt once you broke up,” Ben says firmly. “I should have chased after you in the airport even though you can’t do that anymore for security reasons. But I was too afraid.”</p><p>“I was afraid too,” she admits.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Devi steps closer, so the tips of her shoes are touching his. “Remember when you asked me if I leaned?”</p><p>He blushes, thinking of that night in the car when she first got back.</p><p>“Well, I did lean,” she says. “I was going to kiss you before the phone went off. And like always, I used it as a distraction, so I wouldn’t have to think about how I felt about you. I kept this wall between us because I was afraid of what would happen if I let it come down. When I told you that you were complicated, that’s why.”</p><p>“Because you liked me?”</p><p>She meets Ben’s wide eyes, filled with an emotion she couldn’t quite describe. But as she recognizes it, the emotion courses through her veins, giving her the strength to tell him what she came here to say. </p><p>“Because I loved you. I still do,” Devi says, feeling herself break out in a smile. “That scared me then, and it still scares me because I know what it feels like to lose someone that important to you. I don't want to go through it again.”</p><p>Ben closes the distance, pulling her into a hug. “Devi, you’re not going to lose me.”</p><p>She nestles her head on top of his chest. “You can’t promise that.”</p><p>“To hell, I can’t.” He pulls away for her, tipping her chin up so she can see the intensity in his eyes. “It’s impossible for both of us not to put every fiber of our being into something we love. So, I’m all in, because you’re someone I love.”</p><p>As she blinks, she feels her eyes glistening with tears. “You love me?”</p><p>“Yes, David. I love you.”</p><p>“You do?” she can’t help but ask.</p><p>“So much. Like a lot,” Ben says, holding out his hands and measuring a big space between them. “An embarrassing amount.”</p><p>Devi wipes her eyes. “Loving you is pretty embarrassing too.”</p><p>“David—.”</p><p>“Like, super embarrassing,” Devi says, her affectionately snarky side that comes out around Ben taking over. “You’re such a nerd. And—.”</p><p>Ben leans down, interrupting her with a gentle kiss. She feels dazed when he pulls back a few seconds later.</p><p>“Devi?” he whispers.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You’re a nerd too.”</p><p>“I’m a nerd if you’re a nerd.”</p><p>They start to kiss again, but Devi is the one to pull away this time.</p><p>“Did we just do that Notebook thing?” she asks.</p><p>“We’re better than <em>The Notebook</em>. We’re a journal. Like one with a leather casing and engraving on it.”</p><p>“Shut up about stationary, Gross!” she groans, tugging on his collar to bring him closer.</p><p>“Whatever you say,” he mutters, the words getting lost as they kiss again.</p><p>This time, they both melt fully into the kiss. It’s not cinematic like the movies, where the camera pans away or shows an overhead shot until it fades to black.</p><p>No, this is real life. So, she gets to stay in this moment longer than an audience member or a character in a movie would. Devi gets to stay close to him, feels his pulse beating under her hands as they roam on his neck, and gets to smile against his mouth as he loops his arms around her waist and spins her a little in the air clumsily.</p><p>It’s not a movie. It’s so much better than that—because it’s real.</p><hr/><p>It’s a week after they get back from break. Everyone is still a bit tired, as people are still getting used to not being able to sleep late in the mornings. Mr. Shapiro is going on about the electoral college, which is a hard concept for them to grasp before any of them have eaten lunch.</p><p>When Shapiro turns towards the chalkboard, she edges her chair a little to the left.</p><p>“Ben,” Devi whispers to Ben, who is sitting at the desk next to her.  </p><p>“What?” he asks, looking at her but still scribbling down notes quicker than should be humanly possible.</p><p>“You’re the love of my life.”  </p><p>Ben snaps his head up, his pencil falling to the floor.</p><p>Devi smiles, feeling joy bubbling inside her. “You know that, right?”</p><p>Ben’s smile gradually blossoms on his face. He takes her hands and holds it between their two desks, swinging their joined hands marginally back and forth.</p><p>“I do now.”</p><p>It takes a full ten seconds of Shapiro to notice them, and begin berating about PDA rules in the classroom to pull away from each other.</p><p>But their hands stay joined until the bell rings. She knows she’s got a lot of growing to do, mistakes to make, and a life to live. But while she figures everything out, she can’t imagine having a better person at her side then Ben, her forever always.</p>
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